Gone fishing Back in a Year
by Jaydee B Bailey
Summary: Sam Carter died. One year ago tomorrow. However, Jack recieves an interesting note that both confuses as intrigues him. To find the truth he has to follow her orders now. Not as action packed as it sounds. S/J angst and fluff. Warning: Character death?
1. One Year Ago

It's sad. Character death is never fun, but it does have a sort of poetic drama. I do hope to make it bitter sweet. With fluff in the mix to ease the pain. Remember: In the real world of Stargate, Sam and Jack are fine! Alive and kicking and going at it!

Nothing Stargate is mine.

**Gone fishing. Back in a year. **

**- **One year ago

Jack sat and watched the sun go down in the relative safety of his own apartment. He noticed the smudges on the window, but didn't feel like getting some window cleaner to wipe them off. Instead, he placed his fingertips on the cool glass and traced their shapes. Hieroglyphs. That's what they reminded him off. And the hieroglyphs reminded him of her. Samantha Carter. Funny how the mind works.

He stood up and he heard his knees make the sound knees make when their owner gets old. If there was one sound that defined old age, it was the sound of joints protesting against sudden movement. That one, or the sound of his neighbour singing Sinatra songs with an Elvis accent at six in the morning, he hadn't decided yet.

He turned on the lights and looked at his living room. It was too neat. He felt like revelling in his misery and a clean house just didn't seem right. Jack picked up the small pile of unopened and unseen mail he had received today and dropped it on the floor, sighing when it ended up lying so organized that it just seemed placed. He tried messing up the fallen envelopes with his foot, but gave up. He bent over to collect them and his heart skipped a beat when he noticed the thick brown manila envelope. It didn't have a company logo on it, nor a printed address. Even worse. It had his name on it, hand written. His name, his rank, his address… All in the handwriting he had come to get used to through millions of notes and random messages. From the person he now managed to only think about four or five times a day, instead of the usual ten to fifteen. Sam Carter. The same Sam Carter who had died trying to safe her colleagues a year ago tomorrow.

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It couldn't be, could it? He stared at the envelope he had placed on his table. He could and probably should open it, but the whole situation seemed to ridiculous to be true. He had no idea why this rather plain bundle of paper was delivered to him and it seemed to mock him for acting like an insane man. His hand found the corner of the brown paper and traced its edge just like he had been tracing the shape of the smudges on his window. It was real. He noticed there was a hard object hidden inside and he got himself together long enough to open the envelope. He pulled out an ordinary USB-stick, wrapped in a neatly folded sheet of paper. More handwriting. Sam had always made it a point to write notes to him by hand. She might have been a computer geek, but she had her own share of wacky traditions in her personal life. His hand started to tremble slightly as he read the note.

'' _Jack, _

_I'm sorry. Sorry for not being there with you, sorry for not being *with* you as I'm writing you this letter and sorry for not having known you as well as I could have. I guess we waited with too much patience and failed to see the signs leading me to that cabin of yours again. I had some great times there, fishing and taking the time to sit down for proper meals with my closest friends. But I have to say… Sometimes friendship isn't enough. Sometimes you know that you're blessed to have just that and feel guilty for wanting more. I wanted it all and life kicked me in the behind for that, I'm sure. _

_You probably wonder why you get this… stuff, a year after my death and I bet you're not looking very happy now. I hate making you miserable, I really do, but this needs to be done. I need you to know that it wasn't for nothing. I for one, was convinced that The Room we had left things in wasn't real. It never existed. I never believed that whatever there was between us, could be left buried under a mountain. It was there every time I looked at you and every time we assured each other that things would be alright in the end. I just wished I had the balls to just say that sooner. And maybe, if I'm lucky I'll get the chance to say it to you before this letter will ever be needed, who knows?_

_Jack, I need you to look at the files included. I made it simple for you. No odd passwords and I marked and arranged the files so that you will know when to open which one. I must say that I do suspect that I didn't need to go trough all this extra work because you know your way around a computer. I'm on to you, sir. _

_Read the files, O'Neill. Follow my directions this time and you will see. You'll find out._

_I'm not dead, Jack. _

_Sam''_

Jack held his breath and re-read the last line. _I'm not dead, Jack_. He ran his fingers through his hair and kept his eyes glued to the letter. Her handwriting, her name and her words. Words that he would have found to be common while he was working at the SGC, but that could make his heart stop now. _I'm not dead_. He grabbed his laptop and decided to follow her wish.

He had to find out. She was gone. She had returned from her mission wounded and she had died in his presence. …Right?

Right.

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Hope you enjoyed reading this and thanks or your time!

I hope to update soon.


	2. January Friend

**Thanks for all the amazing reviews!** I feel humble. And the pressure of having to preform ;).

This chapter is a short one, but that means that I can start on the next one sooner. Answers will come and the mist shall clear eventually. But for now... a little more ''what the hey?!'' is needed. I intend to confuse Jack in more that one way... I'm mean like that.

To at least give you an idea of time, it's set after season eight and the rest just... can't happen anymore.

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**Gone Fishing. Back in a year.**

- January friend

Jack was looking at his screen and waited as his laptop processed the information he was feeding it. Knowing Sam Carter, it was a lot. Even though she had written them, her words kept going through his head, using her voice and intonation. _I'm not dead, Jack. I'm not dead. I'm not… _The chant stopped as the files popped up on the screen, with the white background suddenly hurting his eyes.

There were ten. Each one marked with a number and a month. 1: January, 2: February… She definitely made it easy on him. His mind created an image in which she was sorting these files, grinning because she knew he would read them someday. _I made it simple for you. _

He had thought about her a lot, the past year. He had wondered what Sam would have done in certain situations and he had missed the smile she always tried to hide when he made a politically incorrect joke. He had felt like picking up the phone to tell her about documentaries about alien life forms that even he could judge as being ridiculous after all the encounters they had over time. Every time he had come to the bitter realisation that she was gone.

He worked the mouse pad, tracing circles on the screen with the cursor. He had to open the first file. Now. He clicked on ''January''. He had expected to see a mile worth of thoughts and musings, maybe a never before seen mathematic equation, but not this. Not a short drabble starting with the words: _Well, sir… Simple enough for you? _He grinned.

His hands shook slightly as he scrolled down, so that he had her words in the centre of his screen. It was some sort of personal journal or notepad and going with the style it was written in, it wasn't originally addressed to him. He felt like a voyeur, but started to read anyway, knowing that it was what she had *wanted* him to do.

_January 1st__._

_New Years resolution: Re-write emergency letters. _

_-Scrap the one to Pete? Does one send a goodbye letter to one's ex fiancé? ...At least scrap the ''I love You''. _

_-Leave those to the family in tact. That includes the letters to Cassie, Daniel and Teal'c. Friendship and family are timeless._

_- Write another one for Jack. He deserves the truth after my death. It's been too long._

_-Change the password to the personal files. Find a word that's easy to guess for some, but not all. _

_-Find a way. _

Jack shook his head and wondered why she had wanted him to see this. He knew Sam wasn't the person to come up with resolutions. He knew that her sudden desire to get things in order must have been triggered by something. A realisation that no one lived forever, maybe…

_Find a way. _The words jumped at him from the screen. They looked like a final message. A declaration of love from someone who would never return after leaving the house. Jack tried to think about how things had been for them when she had written this. Months before her death.

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They had spent New Years Eve together. Just them. SG-1 was history and everyone had chosen a new path. Neither of them had wanted to attend the parties they received invitations for and craved a night alone. He had planned to spend the party with his DVD player and some beer until Sam had shown up at his door. She had flashed an uncertain smile at him and confessed that she had lied about wanting to be alone. ''…_There's a law against lying to your CO, Carter''. _She had grinned as he invited her in. A couple of beers and a lengthy discussion about safety and faith later, they were sitting on his roof to wait for the firework to break loose. ''…_If we are going to get injuries from firework after all we've survived, then hey…''_ He had wrapped an arm around her when she was cold, but wouldn't admit it. After the day her father had died, it had become a habit to do so at times.

''…_We can be friends, can't we sir? I mean… after having worked together or so long…'' _Jack's mind had seemed clouded and thoughts had gone through his head. Emotions. Feelings he had learnt not to talk about or act upon. And all that came out of his mouth was a joke. ''_…Not if you keep calling me 'Sir', Carter…'' _She had looked up at him with a perfect smile on her face and she had squeezed his hand. She had known the answer. Always. Their friendship was timeless.

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Jack grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and noticed his hands stopped shaking. Her goal was to tell him the truth. Tell him and not let it linger in the air. Her truth was his and they had known it. He was sure he could have made things right that night on the roof. He could never have *told* her, but there had been more ways. They had never needed words to communicate.

He should have kissed her, right there and then. They should have kicked off a shiny relationship by getting past the point of simply being friends.

...They never did.

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Hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Thanks for your patience and time :)

Next one will follow soon! Fluff is in the planning ;)


	3. Two Days in February

Oh, I love you all. Thank you so much for reading this story, sticking with it for now and for the reviews!

Here's the third chapter, hope you'll enjoy.

**____________________________**

**Gone Fishing. Back in a Year**

- Two Days in February

The night had now swallowed up the streets and if the lights hadn't been so bright, the full moon would have cast a spectacular poetic light through Jack's window. He just stood there, watching as a young couple from across the street made their way to their car. His neighbour, the Sinatra Singer from next door, took his poodle out for a walk and a police car drove by slowly. The world hadn't stopped. But it should have.

His head was spinning and he figured it was strange, considering what he had seen in life. Spaceships, parasites, aliens… Nothing could have hit him as hard as the message he had received today. What if he hadn't opened his mail? What if he had felt like wallowing in his misery while getting drunk? Could this be one of those alternate realities? A sick joke? Sam. Sam was alive. Or at least not dead. She said so. He picked up the note she had written him and noticed that there was no date on it.

_Jack, I'm sorry. I'm sorry…I hate making you miserable…I made it simple for you…Read the files, O'Neill…You'll find out… I'm not dead, Jack…'_

It was hers. He was sure. And the only way to figure out what was going on, was to start by reading the rest of the files. He returned to his place on the couch and opened the next one. 'February'. This one was addressed to him.

''_Jack,_

_I have just written you a personal letter. One in which I've told you goodbye and wished you well. Expressed how honoured I am to have served with you. I have written things that should have been said a long time ago. I think I should add that I have written that letter in the middle of the night. Snuggled up in your chair, notepad on my lap, sipping from your Guinness. So, if you ever did notice that missing bottle, it was me. You'll get it back. _

_I had been trying to come up with what to tell you and how to say it for the entire month of January, but no such luck. But last night… I couldn't sleep. There I was, trying to sleep in your home, wearing your shirt and hearing you move in bed and I knew. I need you to know that I meant it Jack. Every word, every sentiment. You probably think Soldier Sam has seen one too many chick flick, but hey. If you're reading it, I'm dead, so go ahead ;). _

_Now, I think I need to go and do something tough. Blow something up, fix something… Or just lounge and recover from that long flight from Washington. _

_Sam''_

He sat in silence as he recalled the night Sam had referred to. He remembered looking in the fridge the day after and noticing the missing bottle of beer. He had shrugged and blamed the alcohol for blowing holes in his memory. Now it made sense. Jack got up and walked over to his closet, where he pulled out The Box. The one filled with letters and notes from friends he had lost along the way. Sam deserved more than having her final message stuffed in a box in the darkest corner of his closet, but he simply couldn't bare to keep it somewhere he could come across it by accident. He found her letter on top of the small pile, still folded like she had done. He sat down on his bed and held the letter in his hands. Even though he had only read it two or three times, he still knew what it said. He pictured her writing it, seated in his chair.

_''Jack,_

_Wow, where to begin? I guess I'm gone. For real, this time. You better be feeling sad right now, it means that you still adore me. Or at least that our friendship meant something to you, which I'm sure it did. There are so many things I want to tell you, so many things I want to ask. Let's start with the cliché's shall we? Just to get those out of the way… It's been an honour, sir. Really. I'm not sure when or how it happened, but I picked up a lot by being your second in command. According to Daniel, I sometimes mirrored you when I was in command. I'd like to disagree, but still. Just passing that on. _

_I have always considered SG-1 my family. My guys. You have always given me the feeling that I belonged somewhere. That I had a safety net to rely on. A shoulder to cry on and someone to punch when under influence of… anything. _

_In the letter to Daniel I have called him my kid brother. Teal'c I referred to as someone I could count on, no matter what. But you… You, Jack O'Neill, are much more difficult to characterize in one word or sentence. You have been the one responsible for getting us back safely, the one who made me laugh in seriously bad situations, the one who threw me in the deep end of command while still covering my six… The one I have cared for so long and so deep that I'm not even sure how that happened. The sad thing is that I can't tell you how I feel. The moment has passed. We took a wrong turn somewhere, Jack. How in earth is it possible for us to have gotten stuck in a routine of friendship? Pete's out of the picture, you're available and you just transferred out of the SGC. Yet here we are. Maybe our moment has passed. Maybe there's still time. _

_I wouldn't change a thing, though. The work we have done over the years was amazing, Jack. We made a difference…''_

He stopped reading, dropped the letter and moved his hands to cover his face. He wouldn't cry. He did that once after her death and never again. Instead, when remembering her, he sat in silence and thought about all the things she had done that had made the difference she had written about in her letter. He remembered her and Janet. He remembered Jacob and Kawalsky. Charlie, his son... He remembered everyone who wasn't there anymore, but should have been.

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Somewhere, somehow, Jack had fallen asleep. When he woke up, he found that he was missing almost three hours and that his laptop had shut itself off in the meantime. He rubbed his eyes and realised that he had been dreaming of her. Not the odd fantasy type of dreams where one could sprout wings and fly, but the type in which your mind replays very detailed scenes of actual events. In this case, the dream had taken him back to the weekend when Sam had come over to Washington to talk to the President and visit him, not in that order, per se.

She had shown up on his doorstep, grinning. _''I was in the neighbourhood. And I figured, hey…''_. He had secretly been missing the SGC and the people in it and seeing her had made the difference. He had shrugged. _''Oh well, you're here now, might as well…''_. Sam had playfully slapped him against the arm while walking past him and never before had a gesture surprised him as much as that one. She had ended up painting his bedroom walls while he was trying to figure out why he still had one screw left after, *probably* having put together a closet the right way. ''They do that you know… To mess with our minds. It's a conspiracy.'' She had looked at him with a face that gave away that she was suppressing a smile. He had countered that comment and they had ended up burying the screw in the crack in one of the floor plates to save it as 'evidence'. It was childish, but he never could get himself to remove it afterwards. They had talked about small things in life _''Oh come on… ascension hardly counts as *death*…'' _and very large things _''That Burns… I tell ya…''_ and never realised that night had fallen before Sam looked at her watch and made a comment about leaving.

''_Stay''. _

It had surprised jack how fast the request, or suggestion, had come. The thought had crossed his mind that it might not sound appropriate, but Sam had smiled and shrugged. _''The beer... I am kind of tired.''_ He had taken his bed, because Sam had insisted to sleep on the couch. He remembered how he had walked in the morning after, and saw her sleep. She had looked adorable.

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Jack ran his hand trough his hair and wondered if he should go back to bed or stay up. Neither of the options sounded very appealing to him. By thinking about the situation at hand, he started to feel the effects of the alcohol he had consumed. Bed. Definitely bed. He made his way to the bathroom, did what he needed to do and returned to his bedroom. As he passed the living room, his eye caught a flash of an object that was now standing on his table.

A single, unopened bottle of Guinness.

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And so ends chapter three... From now on, the story will pick up a little. I needed Jack to build up a solid bottom of confusion first.

...I think he's ready. Emotional whumpage...


	4. The Ides of March

Again, I would like to say:** thank you for the reviews!**

Here's the fourth chapter. I hoped to update sooner, but RL said no. Again: Thanks for waiting and sticking with the story!

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**Gone Fishing. Back in a Year.**

- The Ides of March.

Jack's head hurt. It was pounding and stabbing and somewhere in the back, something was throbbing. He wasn't fully awake yet, but a tiny voice was singing that it wouldn't be a good day. He let out a grunt as he opened his eyes. There was something about this day. Something… Sam. He shot up and regretted that action immediately. He closed his eyes and waited for the stabbing pain in his head to go down, while flinching because his neighbour decided to slam his door at the same time. As Jack made a mental note to kill him, he heard the almost mocking lines of one of the Sinatra Singer's favourite songs die down_._

''…_know one thing: Each time I find myself, flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race. That's life. I tell ya, I can't deny it, I thought of quittin' baby, but my heart just ain't gonna buy it…'' _

He really disliked that man.

It took him half an hour to get ready for the day, half of it was spend on getting up. He turned on the TV and tried to listen to the news, but it didn't register. It was going to snow, though. Jack looked at the bottle of beer that was still standing on the table. Substitute for food, inspirational source for goodbye letters and excellent when mixed with eggs. One bottle of beer on the table. _You'll get it back. _Did he put it there last night? Did she? He couldn't remember still having a full bottle… He had a headache. And the ringing didn't make it any better. Sharp, irritating ringing, coming from… the phone. Oh.

Jack picked up and knew he sounded annoyed. ''What?'' He listened as Daniel tried to come up with a diplomatic reason to call and check up on him. ''Daniel, we're not in the same time zone, so one of us must have his timing screwed up.'' He listened again. ''Washington? What are you doing in…'' Daniel cut him off and babbled on about meetings and Atlantis and briefings and memo's. ''No, I didn't read those. I'm not working.''. Jack sighed. ''Yes, I do realise it's a year ago today. And no, I don't need to talk about…'' He was cut off again. Not good. ''Fine. Drinks, I'll be there.'' He hung up and wondered what Daniel knew. At least he could ask him face to face.

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He started to feel better and he figured that with all this time on his hands, he might as well look at one of Sam's files. He opened the one that said ''March'' and wondered if she had really sat down once a month to leave Jack a message, or that these came in bulk. Not that he cared, as long as the messages kept coming. This time, it was a picture. One of them. SG-1. All dressed up for a party. Probably taken in March, as the filename said, but he didn't quite remember.

The image showed Teal'c and Daniel standing next to each other, smiling to the camera. The first was holding up a glass of champagne that he wasn't going to drink while Daniel's glass showed that he thought differently about the destiny of the drink. Next to them, there had been a small table with a stack of wrapped presents, which made Jack remember that it had been at a wedding of one of the SGC's staff members. On the other side of the table, he and Sam seemed to be having a conversation, unaware of the photographer. He was grinning at her and she was laughing out loud.

''…_Do you need rescue? You look like you do, Carter''. _

He had approached her from behind, but she hadn't even flinched. She had turned around and flashed him a smile, before pulling up her eyebrow.

_''From Siler? No, sir. I think I can handle him''. _

She had been asked to dance, but she had said no. And not only to Siler, but to a small army of colleagues and relatives from either the side of the bride or the groom. Hard to tell apart. Jack had been the only single man in the room who hadn't asked her to dance and he knew he shouldn't.

''Feet still hurt?'' He smirked as Sam let out a short laugh.

''Oh yeah. At times like these, I miss my boots.''

He had looked around the room to see if anyone was watching and escorted her out onto the back deck of the semi-floating restaurant the wedding festivities were held on. Sam had taken off her shoes and giggled.

''That feels great''.

Jack had figured that he might as well be supportive and take off his shoes as well and they had ended up dangling their feet of the deck, not quite touching the water, but enjoying the comfort nonetheless. He looked at her profile in the moonlight and it suddenly hit him again: she was gorgeous. She must have felt his stare, for she had turned her head to look at him, and he had noticed how the intensity of her stare mirrored his own. There had been no looking away or covering the moment with a lame joke. He couldn't keep his eyes from moving to her lips, all the time being aware of her reaction to it. She had grabbed his hand as if it was the normal thing to do.

''Jack…''

He took a deep breath and knew where this conversation was going. It was OK now. It was possible.

''…there's something I've been meaning to tell you.''

She had moved directed her attention to the water before them, but she had not let go of his hand.

''Jack, I think we should…''

They had heard a sound behind them. One that was familiar, and made Sam stop saying what she had wanted to say.

''General O'Neill, Colonel Carter, your presence is required. I believe they are ready for karaoke.''

It was Teal'c. That was a change. At least this time it hadn't been Daniel...

''…Daniel Jackson suggested that one of you should organize it.''

D'oh.

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Jack made his way through the morning. He managed to return a phone call, open his mail and listen to the news he had missed earlier. He did the dishes, collected the empty beer bottles, while only thinking about Sam five or six times. One time was questionable, for he thought about the files and not about the actual person.

At the moment he was watching Daniel making his way past a set of elderly people who were all cheating at poker. They had set up their table outside, near the entrance and Jack suspected that they were a better way of protection against criminals than a wild horde of dogs. One of the two ladies looked at Daniel with a look that could make grown men cry and it made Jack chuckle. She had liked *him* immediately. Daniel had reached his table, looked at the blue plastic bottle of water that Jack was drinking and frowned.

''Jack?''

''It's pretty much all they serve at this time of day. Drinks coming from bottles or cans. Ethel went to the back to grab me a cold one, though. She likes me.''

He shrugged and motioned for Daniel to sit down.

''Ethel?''

''Are we going to have a conversation with you using one worded sentences?''

''No…''

Jack raised his eyebrows and made a random gesture with his hand, indicating that Daniel should continue.

''How are you Jack?''

How he was? It was the first anniversary of his friend's death, he was sitting here with another friend whom he hadn't seen in almost a year, he was secretly missing yet another one and oh… Friend nr. 1 wasn't dead. Or she *was* and someone was being cruel. Or he was stuck in a really bad alternate reality. Or possessed by an alien feeding him false memories. Or in an alternate reality, while he was possessed by… He was confused.

''Peachy.''

They started off with small talk. Exchanged gossip, the way men do, not the girly kind. They even talked about the weather. But Jack knew Daniel had come to talk about something else.

''I can't believe it's already been a year… I remember the memorial as if it's been last week.''

Daniel glanced at him as if he was trying to read Jack's reaction.

He didn't feel like reacting. He didn't want to talk about Sam or the memorial service. He didn't feel like reminiscing. _Do you remember how she… That Sam, she was such a… I wish she was here… Carter was a pleasure to work with… I always admired how she… _He had heard it all before. He had thought it all before. Daniel continued.

''It's weird. I still pick up the phone to…''

Jack cut him off. ''She's not dead.''

Daniel's head snapped up and Jack could see the worry on his face. He processed the information while another elderly woman came up to the table.

''Can I get you something?'' her voice sounded almost too strong for her fragile and rather wrinkled look. Daniel looked at her and ordered coffee. When it arrived five minutes later, it was as cold as Jack's bottle of water. Ethel walked away and smiled. Apparently, she didn't take a liking to Daniel either. He didn't notice and returned his attention to Jack.

''What do you mean, she's not dead? Of course she is, Jack. You were there.''

Jack sighed and gazed at a crack in one of the walls. He had been there. He remembered every detail.

_Oh crap… crap! I can't… Sir, I can't… _She had moved her hand from her abdomen and saw the blood on it. He had tried to apply enough pressure on the wound, knowing that it wouldn't be enough. _Damn. Are they ok? God, I don't feel… It's ok, Jack… _She had died. Right there, while his hands were clawing into her shirt as if they could pull her back. He had checked her pulse, seen the medics perform CPR and every other trick they had. He had heard the doctor confirm her death.

''I know, Daniel. I know''

Ethel came back for a re-fill. Now that Jack was ordering, the coffee was hot. The group out front had stopped playing cards and were now discussing politics and their waitress made her way over there.

''She send me a note. She made some kind of personal journal, one entry per month. I haven't gone through it all, because I couldn't think very clearly last night and because the files are… confronting in a way. But…''

He told him everything. About the note, what he had seen in the files, the bottle of beer. Everything. Daniel's concern had grown and he didn't seem to be in a believing kind of mood.

''Sam left you her journal? Why would she? Sam wasn't the type to…'' He stopped.

''Look, Jack… I know how her death influenced your life and I know you cared about her, but this is insane. You and I both know she's…''

''...Gone? Dead? Buried? Pushing daisies? What Daniel? Listen, I know how this sounds, but the note was real. It was her handwriting, her words. The files mentioned things personal enough that only *she* would say them. Come on Daniel, after all we've seen, *this* you can't believe?''

He had raised his voice and Ethel and her crew were watching him from their camp. Daniel looked at his hands.

''Jack… maybe she meant to say that she would live on in your memory. Maybe she meant to say that her work would live on… There's no way to ask her now, is there? Let it go. Please?''

He got up and left some money on the table.

''She's not here with us anymore Jack. As much as I would like to see her again… She's gone. Don't waste your time hoping to get her back.''

And with that, he walked away.

Ethel, the sweetheart that she was, and having overheard the last part of the conversation, left the others and came to sit at Jack's table. She patted his shoulder and offered a smile.

''Sometimes hope is all we have that's keeping us planted in the ground. Never give up on what you believe in, hon. Never.''

Jack looked at her and she squeezed his hand.

''And by the way… That man is holding something back.''

Without further explanation, she returned to the table out front.

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Hm... mystery... That Daniel. What does he know? What is he holding back? And why?

A little useless A/N here, but I really like elderly people. Especially the ones with odd features and wacky habits... I think Ethel will return. So will the Sinatra Singer. Just because. I need some colourful people if Jack is all confused :P

Thanks for your time, I hope you enjoyed!


	5. Sometimes it Snows in April

I'm updating, I'm updating! I'm sorry for the odd intervals, but I can assure you that I will finish this story within a relative short period of time. I'm almost half way there ;) The titles of the chapters might give you an indication of how long this story will be. I dare you to guess the next title :P

Thanks again for the reviews! Very nice. Some questions have risen...

**What is Daniel holding back? _Is_ he holding something back?** - Hm. Let me say that Daniel might not know himself.

And the big one: **Is Sam _really_ dead? -** that's a good one. Really. The Powers That Be would say that it's sci-fi. Everything is possible in sci-fi... ;)

And yes, those answers were total non-answers. And I know the answers within the story are awaited for. I'm sorry. But I need the mystery. *blushes* I neeed it. I hope to make it up to you as we go. Now... the story continues.

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**Gone Fishing. Back in a Year.**

- Sometimes it snows In April

Jack had spent the last three hours at Ethel's Diner and he hadn't seen any new customer coming in. It was strange, but he didn't really care. He liked the silence and at least this way, Ethel would keep the drinks coming at a surprisingly high rate. Jack stared at his fourth cup of coffee and sighed. He wasn't surprised Daniel didn't believe him. He wasn't sure he believed it himself. The note had been clear, though. _I'm not dead, Jack… _He should have brought it with him. Maybe that could have convinced Daniel.

Ethel made her way to the counter, carrying a tray with empty mugs_. That man is holding something back_. He waved her over.

''What did you mean when you said Daniel wasn't telling the truth?''

Ethel smiled her smile and sat down at his table. She lit a cigarette and blew out the smoke before answering.

''Let me tell you a story, Jack. I met my late husband at a birthday party. He was charming and polite. Never did something without thinking it trough. He could support me and I made a home for him... We connected. Still, the marriage felt more like a working relationship than a true companionship.''

She stared at the same crack in the wall that Jack had been staring at before. He blinked.

''…What has that got to do with Daniel?''

''Nothing. But it's connected to you, Jack. See, the marriage didn't work, because I didn't love my husband enough. I was in love with his best friend, Jim. People didn't just get a divorce like they do now. I was stuck playing house with a husband that wasn't my first choice. If only I could have seen what was right in front of me sooner, I could actually have been happy, Jack. It wasn't until my husband died that I could tell Jim how I had felt all along and by that time it was too late. Jimmy was diagnosed with cancer and didn't have much time left. He had loved me, though… Since the moment we met.''

Jack grabbed his coffee and took a sip. Time. _Always_. He wondered how the old lady could have known. He wondered why she distantly reminded him of Sam. The Sam he made up, while combining the words in her letters with the words she used in the few honest conversations they had ever had about the way they felt.

''What about Jim? Why didn't he stop you from marrying someone else?''

She smiled again. A melancholic and sad one.

''Why didn't *you* try to stop *her* Jack? …He wanted me to be happy. Go figure''

She shrugged and got up. While Jack looked at her in shock.

''The coffee's on the house''

Ethel disappeared into the kitchen.

--------------------------------

A little later Jack, once again, found himself standing in front of his window when the sun started to set. He had finally cleaned the smudges and missed having something to focus on. His thoughts had been racing through his mind and they had all included Sam in one way or another. His laptop stood on the table and seemed to be luring him over.

He opened the file marked ''April'' and was happy to find another letter addressed to him. This time, he recognized it. He had read it before.

_''Jack,_

_Thanks for taking care of me. I know I'm not the easiest patient to deal with, but really, you're a terrible care giver at times. I checked with Dr. Lam and really… Watching The Simpsons doesn't actually have healing powers! _

_I'm just kidding. You were great. I think the broken bones will heal perfectly. My ego is still bruised, though. I really wish you wouldn't have seen that accident. My skills on that bike are perfect, I swear. It wasn't my fault. 'T was the road. The weather… Yeah. _

_Anyway, thanks for sticking around, thanks for being there for me again. I owe you one. _

_Sam''_

It was the letter he had found in his pocket while he was flying back to Washington after having stayed in Colorado Springs for a week. He was missing her, but didn't want to admit it to himself at the time. He had grown accustom to being around her all day, to knowing what it would be like to live with her. He had enjoyed their time together, even though Sam was recovering from an accident. That time, she had survived.

It had been cold that day. Jack clearly remembered how the weatherman on the radio went on and on about the wonderful month of April, with it's spring like sunshine and winter cold. Officially, he had been at Stargate Command to 'oversee'. Unofficially, he was tired of sitting behind his desk while shoving paper. Sam had met up with him for lunch, and Jack had grinned when she had shown up on her bike, which had caused quite some heads to turn. She did, after all, look very good in leather. Something else that Jack would never admit to. In public. It had been a boost for his ego to have Sam walk up to him without noticing any of the men who were openly staring at her. She had grinned while looking at his uniform _''…Hi *Sir*…'' _It had been a nice lunch, and when the time came to go back to work, neither of them had really felt like going back to the mountain. He had walked her to her bike, kicked a tire and made an approving sound. They had laughed.

After that, events seemed to play out at twice the speed. She had started the bike and drove off, waving. He was about to walk to his car when he looked up just in time to see a woman pushing a stroller onto the street where Sam had just accelerated. For some reason, he had wondered why people pushed strollers onto busy streets without looking first. Sam too had noticed the woman, but she had been too late. She tried to make an evasive manoeuvre and succeeded, just to end up crashing her bike into the window of a toy store. Jack had started to run towards her, while praying that she was ok. He saw people looking at her in shock. He noticed that several stuffed animals hadn't survived because white fluffy stuffing was flowing in the air. Like snow. He ran as fast as he could and glanced at the bike when he reached it, looking for any kind of hint of Sam's condition. It seemed to be in reasonable state.

Several thoughts had clouded his mind, the most prevailing one being that one moment really was all it took, sometimes. One second of looking the other way, one moment of celebrating the victory while the battle wasn't quite over yet. One sentence saying it could stay in the room. One stupid accident…

Jack kneeled down on a now crowded sidewalk, knowing that he looked calmer than he really was. He noticed the people who were calling 911, the ones who gathered to revel in the sensation and the ones who only wanted to see what exactly had turned this day into a memorable one. He noticed them, but didn't register. The sound they produced seemed to be a buzzing tone, interrupted by what seemed to be solitary words.

_Someone. Bleeding. Help. Accident. _

He had heard someone gasping, but his head seemed to be filled with a thick fog that only let him think or feel things in five second intervals. He looked at the sleeve of his uniform that was covered in blood and followed the line of his arm down to his hand that had disappeared in a sticky heap of blonde hair. Hair that was supposed to be covered by a helmet, but was no longer.

_God. OK. Hurt. Call. Dead?_

The words were reaching his ears and still he couldn't *hear* them. He looked at her face and noticed the cut on her forehead. Head wounds bleed a lot. Right? He wasn't sure anymore. He sat and waited for his soldier instincts to kick in, like they should have, but all he got was a voice telling him not to sweep her up and drive her to the hospital himself. He heard sirens, but couldn't tell if they were close by or distant. She was breathing. Her arm moved and he could hear the sound her leg made while sliding through the glass from the broken window.

_Make. Pass. Need. Room. _

He had noticed someone touching his shoulder and apparently his instincts had kicked in long enough for him to not cling on to her and let go. The paramedics did their work and Sam opened her eyes and spoke. _''Ouch…'' _Despite the warnings from a paramedic who looked like Bono, she turned her head and frowned. Next to her, there had been a plastic doll with a hole in her head and stuffing hanging out. _''I think I killed the dummy, Sir.'' _After that, she had passed out.

She had been fine. If you didn't count the cuts and bruises. The broken leg and the concussion. The frustration she had expressed over not being able to fix her bike or work... She had refused to stay in the hospital for injuries like hers and Jack had some time on his hands. He had stayed with her for a week before being called back to Washington and Sam kicked him out with a smile. She was ok.

------------------------------------

Jack sighed and closed the file. He missed her. He wished he could call Sam, ask her how she was doing and get a slightly annoyed, yet friendly ''I'm fine''. He needed to see the smile that could make him feel proud of lame jokes and he wanted to hear her go on and on about magnets and currents. He would host a Goa'uld to hear her say ''Sir''

...just one more time.

________________________________

Darn it! More questions. BUT. The next chapter will have a little surprise in store...

I hope to update very soon. For now...

Thanks for reading and thanks for your time. I hope you still enjoy the story!


	6. Wherever I May Roam

**_Thanks for the reviews and thanks for reading! _**

I know I'm the plot moves slow, but please bare with me? Pwease? ;) I'm glad the mystery aspect is being well taken and I hope I can make up for the suspence in the end.  
Really, If you read this when it's complete: Yes. I really did put some readers through a mild kind of torture and I'm sorry. I'm mean. ;)

________________________________________

**Gone Fishing. Back in a Year.**

- Wherever I May Roam

There was water dripping in the sink, the clock was ticking louder than usual and the wind caused the occasional random banging sound outside. All that Jack needed to complete the picture, was the flickering of lights due to a thunderstorm and a serial killer in his closet. He heard the door next to him close and he awaited the evening song coming from his neighbour.

And yes, right on time.

''_How little we know, how much to discover, what chemical forces flow, from lover to lover… How little we understand…'' _

Jack smiled. As annoying as the man next door was, he did have a great voice.

He returned his attention to his laptop and the thought crossed his mind that if anyone would happen to watch him, they'd probably think he was watching something containing far more action than these files. He normally only used a computer if he had to and now he was sure that it would be the first object he'd grab if a fire was to break out in his apartment. Ironically, Sam had tried to get him to use the thing more often. At least she had accomplished that now…

The 'May' file contained another picture. One of the two of them, pulling funny faces. Jack had one arm around her shoulder and with the other he was waving at Cassie, who was trying very hard to take the picture without shaking with laughter. Sam was trying to balance her weight, using one of her crutches and Jack's waist. In the background Sam's bike was shining in the sun as if her accident had never happened. It was their victory picture. They had taken it the day before Jack had returned to Washington. Sam had sent him a copy, printed and through old fashioned mail. On the back she had written the line: _Forget diamonds. Dummies are a girl's best friends!_, which, over the week, had become a running joke between them. The stuffed animals and soft dolls in the toy store she had hit had helped safe her life.

Jack had been worried about her. Even after he had returned home. Never before had he not been able to see the soldier in Sam, but this time all he could do, was remember how fragile she had looked when he saw her laying on that sidewalk, with blood smeared out in her hair because the impact had ripped off her helmet. They had more frequent phone calls than two teenagers in love. Most of them along the lines of:

''Sir?''

Jack sighed ''Sir?'' He heard her chuckle on the other side of the line. They had been over this. After a week of practically living like a married couple, 'Sir' just seemed off.

''Sorry Jack, but 'Sir' just sounds so darned…''

''…Sexy?''

''Oh yeah.''

Jack smiled and had liked this new way of communicating. They had come up with a natural routine of joking around and being able to pretty much say everything. Everything that did not include feeling feelings.

''How's your head?''

''Fine. So is the leg, in case you were wondering…''

Jack grinned ''Nah. It's the head we still need, Carter. The President told me so. He ordered me to keep an eye on the head and to make sure that it stays in tact. The leg? Secondary concern…He let my week of head sitting go down in the books as ''Operation National Treasure''. It's…''

He noticed Sam's silence and got worried he had said something wrong. ''Sam?''

He heard more silence, just to startle when she had burst out into laughter.

''*Head sitting*? Oh Jack, I hope you didn't really use that phrase in front of people. ''

There had been some banter and giggles before she had turned more serious.

''So… you're only interested in me for my brains?''

He had the choice to either make a joke or acknowledge the serious undertone. Being on the phone had made him feel safe.

''Oh, there's so much more that spikes my interest, Sam…''

More silence, this time one out of contemplation. He knew she knew, she knew he did, but neither one of them was feeling brave enough to say it_. I care. I love you_. Jack knew that there was so much he could have said if he had been the type to talk. _Things that spike my interest: A is for Attack, that locker room I still remember. B is for Behind, as in never leave a member… of course. C is for Colonel, as a General you just…can't… _

Sam let out a sigh and was the first one to break the easy silence they managed to keep, even on the phone.

''Good.''

''Yeah…''

One day… One day.

----------------------------------------

He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the knocking on the door. Jack stood up, once more cursing his knees and opened the door without looking through the peephole. He looked down at the man whose head came op to Jack's chest.

''Why, good evening neighbour!''

The Sinatra Singer looked up to Jack with a bright smile. He was an older man, but transmitted a kind of cheerful energy Jack had never seen in anyone before. He introduced himself and Jack did the same.

''I was wondering… The phone company made a mess out of their administration when I moved here, my connection is non existing and I really, very much so, crave a pizza. Mind if I use your phone?''

Sinatra bowed his head a little and added the promise that he wouldn't sing. Or that he would if Jack so desired. He was a showman and his audience's wish was his command.

Urgo. The Sinatra singing neighbour reminded Jack a little of Urgo, only more slim, and shorter and grey. Jack let him in and listened how he ordered a pizza, joking at the person on the other end of the line. When he hung up, he looked at the picture of him and Sam that was still showing on the screen of his laptop.

''Your wife? She's beautiful. You make a good looking couple.''

Jack knew he should correct the man, but didn't. He was all for honesty, but he knew that maybe, if Sam would still have been alive, he might not be that far from the truth.

''She's gone. As in dead.''

Sinatra glanced at Jack before returning his attention to the picture. He smiled and slightly nodded his head.

''They get under your skin. Women, I mean. I can see why you liked this one. She was good of heart, smart and knew how to make you laugh, right?''

''All of that from one picture?''

Jack walked up to the table and looked over the other man's shoulder. He focused on Sam and only now noticed the way she smiled. The way she held on to him, how he supported her. They really would have been great together. If only… Sinatra nodded again.

''It's obvious. If the love is real, it shows.'' A smile broke through on his face.

''I had that with someone, a long time ago. It might not show, but I'm pretty old.'' He winked.

''She died quite a while ago, but she's still in my thoughts. Every song I sing, is one to celebrate her life. I believe that a person can't really die as long as you carry her with you in your soul. Hold on to her Jack. She needs you, depends on you to keep her alive.''

He turned to face Jack and pointed his finger at his head.

''This is where you store the facts''

His hand moved to point at his heart.

''This is where you store the sentiment''

He made a gesture that included everything around him, the air, the room, the world...

''This… This is where you store all you can remember about her. The way she commented on the mess, the way she curled up on the couch, the way she walked and talked… As long as you can keep the memory alive, *she'll* be alive.''

Sinatra shrugged and down the hall, they heard footsteps, followed by the sound of a doorbell.

''That's my pizza. I hope it's cold, then I'll get it for free.''

He stood up, shook Jack's hand and told him what a pleasure it had been to meet him. As he rushed to the apartment next door, Jack just stood there. _She'll be alive_. Could that have been what she meant? Did Sam try to make him remember the good old days? He sat down and ran his fingers through his messy hair once more. _I can't do this. She's gone. _He closed his eyes and sighed. He would look at the last files and that would be it. How could he keep hoping to get her back alive? Not every event could be turned back, simply by wanting it. People died. Even the ones you loved and cared about the most. Even the ones who had saved earth by doing something no one else would ever do. Even Sam.

He felt tired. He needed this day to be over. He wanted…

''Don't.''

The voice. He heard it as clear as…Jack didn't feel like it, but opened his eyes anyway. He gasped as he slowly began to process the sight in front of him.

He saw the boots that leaded to the hem of a skirt that moved in the rhythm of the breeze that was flowing into the room. His eyes travelled further up to meet a blue sweater that enhanced the colour of the eyes he had stared in many, many times before while pretending to think about magnets and attraction without innuendo. His eyes decided to check out the hair as well. Just to be sure. Blonde and in the process of growing to a length the Air Force would have somewhat of an issue with. He repeated the inspection just to make sure his brain could confirm what the very core of his soul was screaming at him.

Samantha Carter was standing in his living room. Smiling. Breathing. Looking hot.

''Hi Jack.''

He felt how his mouth fell open and the only action he could undertake was to stare.

_________________________________________

Sam! It's Sam!!!!! She entered the story in something that is not a letter or a flashback!  
Does that qualify as moving the story along? :P

Thanks for your time!


	7. Seven Days in Sunny June

Thanks for the reviews! I have read them with glee. ;)  
I'm happy to see some of you reviewing on a regular base, very cool. And I love reading those of new readers.

I hope that I can dodge the imaginary weapons pointed at me. On the question how I will explain Sam being there...  
Um...  
Look! Is that the script to the next SG-1 movie?

*hides behind the story* ;)  
**___________________________**

**Gone Fishing. Back in a Year.**

- Seven Days in Sunny June

_Breathe Jack. Breathe…_ Jack had tried everything ranging from pinching himself _did that *ever* work?_ , to closing his eyes to open them again. She didn't disappear. Sam was standing there, right in front of him, waiting for him to speak. She had her arms crossed and a slightly wicked smile formed on her lips. Her eyes sparked with amusement.

''You're supposed to be dead, Carter.''

Sam nodded and put on a guilty face.

''Yeah, about that…''

Jack felt his heart, head or the room, he wasn't sure where this one fit in, fill with hope. But looking at her face he knew what direction this strange conversation was taking.

''…You're not real.''

Sam shook her head and sat down next to Jack. He felt strange. Here he was, sitting next to his dead friend and he didn't even think it was that weird. He felt her presence, smelled the scent of her shampoo and knew what she was thinking by looking at her. And yet…

''So… You're a… figment of my imagination? Ascended you? Alien?''

Sam smiled at him, but didn't confirm or deny his guesses.

''…Ghost? Please do tell me that I won't have to expect to see Kawalsky and Dad after you, telling me that I need to change the way I live?''

She chuckled.

''Don't worry Jack, you won't be put through that cliché, I do know how much you hate those…''

Jack pushed her with his shoulder and was surprised when he actually felt her body. He had expected to fall right through her. That would have been an experience… He decided to approach this situation as if it was a common one.

''You said 'don't'. What did you mean?''

Yes Jack. Good question. Ha, so not confused. He tried to look like he was in control, but he felt like an idiot.

''I meant don't give up, Jack. Don't stop fighting. Don't think that you can't change anything about this situation.''

She reached to touch his face, but stopped mid-air. Just when he thought she would drop her hand, she gently traced the line of his jaw. He couldn't help but stare at her.

''Tell me what's on your mind, Jack.''

He sucked in some air, because he was sure that breathing didn't come naturally anymore. Her mouth was about two inches from his and he was torn between moving closer and jumping up and scream that this was wrong. He looked at her lips and fought back the urge to get lost in the moment. It's not real… He pulled back and the feeling like an idiot part grew stronger.

''You're not real. You're supposed to be dead and buried, Sam! That's what's on my mind. …Amongst other things. This can't be… Damn it! I'm loosing my mind and yet I'm here talking to you as if you stopped by for a friendly visit, instead of having my head checked. Am I even awake?!''

He was ready to spit out every piece of doubt and concern he felt, but he was stopped by a sharp pain in his arm. Sam had actually pinched him. Hard.

''…What was that for?!''

''You're awake Jack. Trust me. And go and have your head checked, you'll pass the sanity test just fine. ''

He pulled up an eyebrow and decided to let whatever was happening, happen.

''…You could have just told me, instead of inflicting *pain*, Carter.''

Sam grinned and sat back on the couch. Jack mirrored her action and they ended up sitting together as if they were watching TV.

''Please stop asking me what's happening Jack. I can't tell you. You need to figure this one out on your own.''

''But you're not really here.''

''No''

''Dead?''

''Can't tell you.''

''What about those files? The letter?''

''Jack…''

She turned her head to look at him She gave him a look, warning him not to push it. Jack gave in, not wanting her, or her image, to leave. He grabbed his laptop and opened the file marked 'June'. He felt her move closer to him, so she could watch the screen with him. He still felt insane for doing this. Sam chuckled as she saw the lines she had written.

_For someone so handsome, you can be a real ass, SIR._

''Carter?''

Jack decided to make the best out of her presence, even if she wasn't really there. She had written it, so she could explain. His memory worked just fine and he knew what the message meant, but he hadn't expected it. She was grinning again.

''I guess I was mad'' She shrugged. ''Don't you remember what this was about?''

He did.

-----------------------------------------

Jack had been worried about her. Overprotecting, perhaps. But after he had seen her get involved in a regular accident on earth, he had suddenly felt the need to protect her from everything that could possibly harm her. He tried not to show it, though. Jack had been asked to come to Colorado Springs again for a week, this time to show the political elite the base and to entertain them with some old school SG-1 hero stories. He had felt like a bragger. A cheap one at that. He had been glad when he could loose the uniform and meet his former team-mates for dinner and a drink .Daniel, of course had two beers, meaning one too many and Teal'c had taken it upon him to 'escort Daniel Jackson to a more docile environment'. Jack new that meant that he had taken him outside to get some air.

He had suddenly been alone with Sam, who was torturing him softly with her casual look. A simple summer dress and elegant boots. The broken leg had healed and and looked fine. Every time she had taken a sip from her bottle of beer, his eyes had been drawn to the simple, yet effective, movement.

He had left Sam sitting at the bar to check up on Daniel and by the time he came back, a man had pretty much taken it upon himself to wrap himself around her. He smiled the smile of an egocentric idiot and was close to putting his hand on Sam's leg. Jack had wanted to pull him away, smash his head on the bar and hurt him but he knew Sam would want to take care of it herself. He could walk over and ask her if she was ok, though… Something had stopped him from doing so. Her smile. She had smiled at the guy and he grinned back. Jack turned away and he had waited to go back to the bar until he saw the man walk past him.

''..Made a new friend, Carter?''

He. had felt edgy and jealous and Sam had picked up on that.

''Do you really care, Sir?''

She had shot him a look and he saw her mood change from relaxed to annoyed. He had known he had to stop, but his jealousy had completely taken over.

''Oh, I'm sure he's a stand up guy, Colonel. He looks like he knows exactly what to do to get women to ...swoon.''

He had felt the alcohol do its trick, even though he hadn't been drunk. He had noticed Sam's expression and he knew that he was about to do something he was going to regret.

''Oh come on, Sir, I was just…''

''Forget it Carter. I hope you'll be happy. I'm sure you will, because we both know that you have a *great* taste in men. Just make sure that this one can *actually* handle you, huh?''

He had made a big mistake. He had certainly regretted the words the moment they had rolled out of his mouth. Sam looked at him, shocked. He could have slapped her and she would have given him the very same reaction.

''Sam, I…''

She stared at him for a few seconds before grabbing her stuff and rushing off without looking back.

---------------------------------------

Jack flinched as he remembered that night. He had been stupid, but it had made him see that whatever he had felt for Sam, was getting out of control. It had shaken him up, but at least the realisation that he had to take action had hit him, with full force. He couldn't stand the thought of her with someone else. …Because he loved her.

He looked to his side, where Sam was still sitting. Or where he thought Sam was sitting, but not really. He still wasn't quite sure what was happening. All he knew was that he was looking at her and that whatever he did or said, would in the end, only happen in his own head.

''I love you''

Her head snapped up and after a moment of what seemed to be surprise, she smiled.

''I know.''

There was a minute of silence. It's all in my head…

''Sam… Did you die?''

Her smile faded and she looked at the floor in front of her. She licked her lips and fiddled with the fabric of her skirt.

''I'm sorry, Jack.'' She said as she returned her attention to him.

''…But that's for you to figure out.''

_____________________________________

After fighting comes making up. Sam and Jack can't be angry for long... ;)

I'm putting Jack trough the same kind of torture I'm putting you guys through :o  
But know that this story has officially passed the half way there mark and that I am still determined to finish this one. I have written out the storyline and I know where I'm going, so I will not leave you hanging there, I promise :)

I hope you're still enjoying this.

Thanks for your time!


	8. Cold Day in July

Aaaand, thanks for the reviews! Yes, I'll say it again: I am mean. Mildly. :P  
What's up with Jack... Well, he misses Sam. ;)

Let's continue.

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**Gone Fishing. Back in a Year**

- Cold Day in July

_That's for you to figure out… _Jack sighed. Wasn't Sam the one to figure things out just by looking at the sky? Wasn't she the one to start a sentence with the words ''I don't think it can be done, but theoretically…'', to end the seemingly endless explanation with ''…might just work, Sir''?

Jack had woken up after having fallen asleep on his couch the night before. Right now, with the sun shining in, everything that happened seemed ridiculous. Of course, Sam was gone when he opened his eyes and he seriously wondered if she had ever been there. He never really had an overly vivid imagination. He usually only dreamed up things that he could remember, or that he had seen on TV. In fact, Jack still had very disturbing dreams in which he was followed around by Marge Simpson because he had stolen Elvis' microphone, just to be rescued by Sam. Who, and he wasn't sure how that image found it's way into his head, was only wearing paper flowers to cover those parts that needed cover.

Jack swore he could still feel her around him.

He had taken a shower and felt slightly less dazed when he decided to go trough the last couple of files. There were only for left and Jack figured that since reading them started this whole vague situation, finishing them could just lead to him getting his sanity back.

He still didn't quite get it. He had Sam's letter laying on the table, next to his laptop, but six files further, he still had no idea what the heck was happening.

''_Jack, _

_I'm sorry. Sorry for not being there with you, sorry for not being *with* you as I'm writing you this letter and sorry for not having known you as well as I could have. I guess we waited with too much patience and failed to see the signs leading me to that cabin of yours again. I had some great times there, fishing and taking the time to sit down for proper meals with my closest friends. But I have to say… Sometimes friendship isn't enough. Sometimes you know that you're blessed to have just that and feel guilty for wanting more. I wanted it all and life kicked me in the behind for that, I'm sure. _

_You probably wonder why you get this… stuff, a year after my death and I bet you're not looking very happy now. I hate making you miserable, I really do, but this needs to be done. I need you to know that it wasn't for nothing. I for one, was convinced that The Room we had left things in wasn't real. It never existed. I never believed that whatever there was between us, could be left buried under a mountain. It was there every time I looked at you and every time we assured each other that things would be alright in the end. I just wished I had the balls to just say that sooner. And maybe, if I'm lucky I'll get the chance to say it to you before this letter will ever be needed, who knows?_

_Jack, I need you to look at the files included. I made it simple for you. No odd passwords and I marked and arranged the files so that you will know when to open which one. I must say that I do suspect that I didn't need to go trough all this extra work because you know your way around a computer. I'm on to you, sir. _

_Read the files, O'Neill. Follow my directions this time and you will see. You'll find out._

_I'm not dead, Jack. _

_Sam''_

Yeah, sure. He'd find out… Jack was determined to do whatever he needed to do to get to the bottom of this. He looked at his computer screen clicked on the icon marked ''July''. _Simple_. It was that simple…

Another little drabble. Words only. He had really liked the two pictures she had sent him, mostly because he loved to see her smile. The message came as a surprise to him.

_Jack, I hope that by now, you have come to see what I should have told you before. What I am very close to tell you in person. Really. I am going to. When the time is right, when things have settled down, when I see you again outside of work, just… when, Jack. But enough of that for now. I don't know how our relationship has turned out to be, but it doesn't matter if we are… were friends when I died, or that we were together, I need you to do something._

_Call Mark. You have his number, and if it has changed, I'm sure you can look it up using your Super Hero General Powers. Or the phone book. Tell him that it's time and that his sister ordered him to show up. If he refuses, remind him that he owes it to me. Meet him, talk to him. There are things you need to know…_

He blinked a couple of times and grabbed his phone without thinking it trough. He dialled the number he had scrabbled in his phone book, which was old fashioned, but worked just fine, and forgot to check the time zones. He heard a man's voice answering after three rings.

''Carter''

''It's Jack O'Neill''

A short silence awaited him, before he heard the man sigh and let out a short mumble.

''She *actually* did it…''

---------------------------------------

The wind had picked up and felt cold and sharp. Jack had pulled a couple of strings to get here as soon as possible and he was wearing his uniform to look more like a General than a confused man. He stood near the grey stone which looked even more depressing in the watery sunlight light that was shining through the clouds. The grass below his feet was well cared for and the small paths that cut through it like scars were leading other unfortunate people to their destination. A young woman stood still at the spot that was the most important one for her and put both her hands on a little boy's shoulders. He had the pure, confused look on his face that only kids his age could have, while the woman tried to fight back her tears.

Jack had agreed to meet Mark Carter at the graveyard. The one where they had last seen each other. He let the memory of the service flash through his head as briefly as possible. He didn't want to think about it too much. Not now. Instead, he forced himself to think about something else. Anything. His thoughts drifted to the fight they had again. He had jumped to conclusions. He should have given Sam the chance to explain herself. He should have…

...Done something.

--------------------------------------------

He hadn't seen her for a month. It was unlike them to stop talking, but it had happened. They hadn't seen or spoken to each other for almost the entire month of July. Jack had known it was up to him to make things right, but he simply couldn't find a way. He had ignored the problem and he had picked up the phone several times, just to put it down again. And then, one day, the last one of the month, he had found himself on Sam's doorstep. He had still been lost or words and he hadn't been sure what he was going to say, but there he was.

She had opened the door and she had stared at him. He had run his fingers trough his hair and stared at the floor.

''Sir?''

She had sounded mad, but her eyes told him an entirely different story. They had pleaded him to say something, anything that would make her change her mind. He had felt numb.

''I'm sorry''

Sam nodded and opened the door as a gesture for him to come in, which he did. Her house felt comfortable. It was a place he had spent so much time in that he could make a list of where certain items belonged. She remained silent, but dropped the cold act.

''I overreacted. I… I thought…''

She interrupted him.

''You thought I would fall for the very first guy that gave me some attention? That I would fall for a fake smile and some compliments? You thought that I would go and leave with him, right under your nose? Do I need to tell you what I told him, Jack?''

''No…''

''Oh, I think I should. We have been doing this for way to long, Jack. The not telling. The glaring and glancing and not saying things out loud. I told him I wasn't interested. To quote myself, I told him that he didn't stand a chance. And that if he wouldn't relocate that hand, his friends would see him get beat up by a girl so badly that he would be the laughing stock of many parties to come.''

Jack had secretly felt proud and he couldn't help but grin.

''All that with a smile on your face?''

''Yes.''

A grin broke trough on her face as well. They had been OK and it had only taken them minutes. Jack had felt stupid for having let a month go by.

They had slowly rolled back into their routine of joking, easy silences and small talk as the night went on. Slowly, but it had felt good. As Jack checked his watch, he felt like there was something that needed to be said, but he couldn't quite figure out what. He moved to grab the keys of his rental car and Sam grabbed his hand.

''Thanks Jack. For coming here.''

He squeezed her hand in return.

''Anytime''

He let her go and left for his hotel.

--------------------------------------

Jack was in deep thought, so he only heard Mark walk up to him a few seconds before he heard him call his name.

''General O'Neill?''

Jack turned and nodded at the younger man, who in turn, was looking at the stone that marked his sister's grave and sighed.

''She told me that she would arrange this little chat. Before she died.''

Mark Carter kept looking at the grave and continued to talk as if jack wasn't there.

''_You should talk to him, Mark_. That's what she said. _You'll like him. _I told her that falling for her former CO wasn't wise and she laughed. She said she hadn't…''

Jack wasn't sure where this conversation was going, but he decided to let him talk.

''…Do you know that I was the one who introduced her to Pete? I though that the cop and the Air Force officer would be a match. He's a good guy. He's loyal. He knows how to take care of himself… But he never was a match. I failed to see Sam as the independent woman that she was. Pete needs someone who stays at home to worry about him while feeding the kids. Sam wasn't that woman.''

He finally looked at Jack, who now was completely speechless. He really didn't feel like talking about Sam's ex-fiancé, either.

''She told me what happened between the two of you''

Jack knew what he was talking about, but checked anyway.

''Between me and Pete?''

''You and her''

Jack suddenly felt like a schoolboy who had just been caught stealing from his teacher. Or the guy who got caught with a big brother's younger sister.

''Oh, *that*…''

-----------------------------------------

Jack had been on his way to the car and he still had the nagging feeling that he shouldn't leave like that. He had something to say. He had to end whatever dance he and Sam had started before, because the song was getting old. _Forget about the room. I'm past caring. I love her. Sam. I…_

He had turned around, walked back to Sam's front door and knocked.. _I have to tell her. Tare those walls down. Open the door and let the ghosts out. …Don't stop me now… _He briefly wondered why the Queen song popped into his head, but it had been fitting. _…Don't stop me, don't stop me…_

Sam opened the door, confused.

''Jack?''

He walked past her and waited for her to join him in the hallway, which was only lit by the light coming out of the living room. He had something to say. _Don't stop me now... _He would tell her how much he…

The phone had rung and still confused, Sam went to answer it. It was Daniel. Jack had heard enough to know it wasn't important and he gently took the phone out of Sam's hand. He politely told Daniel she would call him back before pressing the red button.

Sam had looked at him in mild shock.

''Jack, what…''

He closed the distance between them and decided that words were overrated. He looked at her and saw her expression change to serious. He had taken her face into his hands and searched her eyes for the answer to his unspoken question.

He kissed her. Just one small kiss. After that, one more. He rested his head against hers, to give her some time to wrap her head around the situation. It took her all of five seconds to let her fingers go trough his hair and to push him to the wall. He made sure he wouldn't let his hands roam to freely, even tough he had felt her body pressed up against his and her hands wander from his hair to his face and shoulders. He had ended up kissing her below her ear, in her neck and on her mouth again. _I love her… _

They had ended up on the couch and Jack looked down on her. He hadn't said a word to her and yet he knew she knew exactly what he had wanted to let her know. She still had her hand on the back of his head and he used his to trace her lips.

''Are we OK?''

She nodded. She was beautiful. She kissed him back. And she smiled.

''Let's not ruin this, Sam. Let's not… Not yet.''

They had all the time in the world.

-------------------------------------------

Mark Carter was staring at him. He could feel it. And even worse, Jack knew that Mark knew what he was thinking about. Thank God that he didn't blush.

''She told me that dad liked you. That the two of you were cut from the same wood...''

''Your father was a great man, both as a person as a soldier. And I'm not sure he liked me. It was more of an understanding. Acceptance. Hidden irritation...''

Mark smirked. Jack looked at the stone in front of them and he wondered how Sam would have reacted if she was here. Maybe, if she really wasn't dead, she'd be monitoring this while rolling on the floor with laughter. Her brother and her... Whatever he was. The sun let a spectacular light shine on the damp stone, making it light up. Her name was engraved in white and it seemed to flash at him. _Samantha Carter._Jack felt light headed and after more small talk, he decided to prospone talking to Mark Carter. He just couldn't do it anymore. Mark agreed to meet up with him later and left.

Jack remained and simply stood there the way other visitors were standing. Lost in tought and staring at the place were their loved ones were lying. Where the body remained, stripped of the very essence that had once made them lovable. He touched the top of the stone and let his hand linger there, as if the gesture could make him decide if she was really gone or not. It felt cold. Lifeless. He couldn't imagine a body lying beneath the surface.

''Jack...''

He felt her hand on his right arm and he could smell the leather of her jacket.

''Don't do this to me Sam.''

She pulled him into an embrace and Jack was sure that if a visitor would see him standing here, hugging his invisible friend, he would be branded with the 'crazy' stamp. He didn't care any longer. He felt her warmth and everything that he could never put into words. He wrapped his arms tighter around her and buried his face into her neck. He needed her. He felt her head move and she whispered to him.

''Everything will be alright, Jack... I promise.''

_______________________________________________

Ok, I admit that this chapter focused on Sam and Jack making up and out more than on the mystery. But it needed to be done. After all...  
Kissing is what they should be doing. ;)

Thanks for your time! :)  
Updating soon...


	9. August Morning

Thanks for putting up with the lack of mystery in the previous chapter. ;)  
Ok, a title explanation: All of the chapter titles are stolen from songs. They refer to the flashbacks and they're deeply simbolic. And sometimes spot on :P. The cold day was a symbol for Jack's struggle to make up (and out) with Sam after the silly fight.

I hope I made up for the confusement with this one:

**________________________________**

**Gone Fishing. Back in a Year**

- August Morning

The wind picked up and leaves twirled around following its rhythm. This was the way things should have been. Sam and Jack, together, holding each other and not wanting to let go. Ever. _Everything will be alright… _Jack unwillingly pulled back and let out a sigh. This wasn't right. Something was wrong and it bothered him. He took a step back and smiled a sad smile at Sam.

''I never thought I would say this, but I think I need to see a doctor''

Sam pulled up an eyebrow and looked him in the eyes.

''Why do you think you do?''

He let out a short laugh and spread his arms.

''Pick a reason, Sam. I'm stuck between thinking you're dead and believing you're alive, old people can suddenly read my mind, my so called best friend think I'm wasting my time chasing ghosts and oh yeah… I am, yet again, talking to my dead… whatever it is you are!''

Sam gently touched his cheek.

''You're not crazy, Jack.''

''Yeah, well, you're not real.''

''True…''

They stared at each other for a moment before smiles broke out on both their faces. Sam smirked.

''We're quite the pair, huh?''

''Yes we are…''

If only they would have realised that sooner.

---------------------------------------

His shoulder had felt stiff. And not only that part of his body, but his neck and right arm as well. He knew that he was slowly waking up and that everything would start to make sense soon, but at that time, he had felt the kind of confusion one felt between being asleep and awake. Something felt heavy on his chest, too. He vaguely remembered wanting to get a dog and when he felt hair against his nose, he had been almost convinced that he had forgotten the part where he had actually gotten one… Peach. The dog smelled like… Sam.

He had quickly opened his eyes and found her still asleep. Her breathing had been soothing and seeing her messy hair had made his heart beat a little faster. The events from the previous night had played in his head and he couldn't really tell why it happened.

Sam stirred and only then had Jack noticed that his arms were wrapped around her as if he was marking his territory. He loosened his grip as Sam woke up. She looked up and he had noticed the confused look on her face. He smiled when she slowly started to realise what had happened.

She had tried to sit up too fast and ended up sliding from the couch. For a moment she sat on the floor without showing any kind of emotion, before breaking out in laughter.

''Oh wow, I…''

She had tried to form a complete sentence, but the laughing had prevented that.

''…Ouch…Bad move…''

Jack hadn't been sure about what he should have done, but seeing her sitting on the floor, almost literally rolling there laughing had made him grin. He sat up and waited for her laughter to subside.

''Good morning, Jack''

He offered her his hand and pulled her up on the couch.

''Hey''

They looked at each other and neither one of them knew what to say next. Sam broke the stare and looked at her watch.

''Food. I'm hungry. You?''

The rest of the morning had gone by while they had both been pretending like nothing had happened. Jack had felt something indefinable hanging in the air, but he had decided that if Sam didn't want to talk about whatever had happened, he wouldn't bring it up. It was easy. Not talking was what they had always done, after all...

-----------------------------------------

Jack made his way trough the hallways of the SGC, while nodding at the people he knew and being stared at by the young and new. Most of them knew who he was or at least what his function was and were probably worried about his unannounced presence. He could only imagine the gossip if one of them would find out what he was really doing here. He walked straight up to Hank Landry's office. The General was expecting him and immediately walked up to Jack.

''How did the tests go?''

Jack shrugged and put his hands in his pockets.

''Great. Did the thing with the needles, a quick scan, something with… something…''

Hank grinned and slapped him on the shoulder.

''We call it the Royal Treatment. Only the best for this base's legends.''

The two men continued joking before Landry shook his head. Jack knew what was coming and he was surprised about the fact that this time, he didn't resent the thought of having to talk about her.

''It's a shame what happened to Carter. We still miss having her around, Jack.''

They both took a chair and Jack looked at his hands. He could do this. He could talk about it.

''Yeah, I do too. This base, it's not the same.''

He looked at Landry.

''She was happy when she came back here. She once mentioned how every corner and every room contained a memory and now I get it. Every time I see those grey walls…''

''…You see her?''

The other man looked at Jack with sympathy.

''I know how crazy it sounds. Really. But it's so real… It's not that strange is it? Considering what kind of things we have seen happening here. She could be…''

''She's dead, Jack.''

Jack sighed.

''I know. …I know. That's why I'm here. I told her I needed to see a doctor and I did.''

Hank raised his eyebrows and smirked.

''You *told* her, huh?''

Jack felt stupid, but he simply could not forget how he had spoken to Sam before. He had held her and he had felt her breathing.

''Just… let me know what the results of the tests are.''

He got up and left. When he turned the corner he heard Landry pick up the phone to deliver a short message to the person on the other end of the line.

''He's gone. Keep watching him…''

Jack managed to reach his car looking as casual as he could and looked in his mirror as he drove off. A black car followed him from the parking lot and stayed behind him at a small distance. The road was slippery and the wind was blowing leaves against his front window. He checked the traffic on the road hit the gas enough to pick up some speed, but not enough to look as if he was fleeing. The car behind him did the same. They were after him. He kept watching his mirror as he made his way around town and he knew he would not be able to shake them off. He decided to drive to the hotel and let them do whatever they had to do. He didn't care.

He entered his room and locked the door behind him. The ones following him had given up when he reached the hotel. He walked up to the small desk and found some paper and a pen. Jack tried to stay calm and made some notes.

_Daniel - What does he know? According to Ethel, he's holding back. _

_Ethel - What does she__ know? The little mind reader that she is._

_Hank - Had me followed. _

_Mark Carter - Trust him. He didn't seem to know anything. _

_Sam - Alive? Dead? Why did she send me that note? Did she send me the note? _

_Bottle of beer. Did I put it on my table? Did someone else? Sam? Someone messing with my head? What about the files? What is it that I need to figure out?_

_Why can't ''Sam'' tell me what the heck is going on?!_

He threw the pen on the desk and sat back. Too many question marks. Too little people he could trust. He wished he could talk to Teal'c, but he was off world. At least, it's what he was told at Stargate Command, but he wasn't sure what to believe. He unpacked his laptop, his most guarded possession at the moment, and started it. The files…

He opened the 'August' one and realised that the files seemed to be the most honest of all the straws he was holding on to.

_Jack. If anything happened to me…  
__Remember that screw we buried? Look at it. _

The mysterious message didn't surprise him. Nothing did. His former colleagues were following him and Sam wanted him to look at a screw. Fine. Just… fine.

He made plans to go back to Washington and called the SGC to ask about the test results. Sam had been right. There was nothing wrong with him. Not physically and not mentally. And yet, there he was seeing his dead and imaginary friend on several occasions. To top that, he was now being followed because he made the mistake of telling the wrong people.

He scrabbled another line on the paper.

_SGC - Don't trust them. Don't trust anyone._

He packed his bag and his laptop and checked out. He needed to leave. As Jack drove to the airport, he spotted several suspicious looking cars behind him. In one of them, he saw a face he was sure belonged to someone he never believed to go along with any plot against him. A face he had come to trust and who he rather would have given the benefit of the doubt. Jack was sure now. This was bad news.

On of the people following him, was Daniel.

______________________________________

Bad Daniel. Following his friend around...

This was a short one, but the mystery is back.  
Please stay tuned and thanks for your time :)


	10. Wake Me Up When September Ends

**Thank you for the reviews! **This story has entered it's final stages, in a few chapters things will become more clear. Yes. Untill then, I hope you can live with a little more suspense and confusement. I hope you still enjoy!

________________________________________

**Gone Fishing. Back in a Year.**

- Wake Me Up When September Ends

February. The closet she helped built. The screw they had buried in a crack between the floorboards… Why in earth would Sam have brought that up again? A screw is just a screw, how could it possible help solve whatever was going on here? Jack opened the door to his apartment and looked around. He wondered if he should be worried. Would Stargate Command bug his place? He let his eyes slide over the walls, his ceiling and the wooden floor. He noticed the dust still covering his furniture and his windows were still shut. He stepped in and the sensation that everything seemed different now, briefly washed over him and disappeared just as soon as it came. He had nothing to hide. He walked to a window to open it and let the fresh air stream in. Jack took a deep breath and looked down to the street below. A police car drove by, just like it did a couple of nights ago. The male part of the young couple from across the street was on his way, carrying his morning paper. Same old, same old…

Even though he stood facing the window, he was drawn by the old crack in the floor. Once again, his mind drifted to that day two Februaries ago. Sam had helped him move, they had built a closet and ended up with a left over screw. _They do that you know… To mess with our minds. It's a conspiracy._ He heard her words echo in his head. _It's a conspiracy… _He turned around and looked at the floor as I that would explain things.

_Jack. If anything happened to me… Remember that screw we buried? Look at it. _

He walked to the corner of the room and bend over to take a look. The crack was small and just when Jack wanted to stretch, he noticed the glimmer of the little metal screw. He got a flashlight out of a drawer and let its light shine down on the object. It really was just a screw. Just a silver coloured… He frowned when he realised that there was more.  
Next to it, as if it had been shoved into the crack, he spotted a piece of yellow paper. He looked around the room to find a tool he could use to get it out from under the floorboard, but failed. Instead, he took out the entire thing. Obsessed? Nah.

He pulled out the paper and discovered that it was a small package, about two inch wide and under half an inch high. Folded paper. He fiddled with it and decided to open it without fussing about it. He felt his hears skip a beat as he saw what was inside.

He held the small object in his hand and grinned a wicked and probably insane looking grin. He had given it to Sam in September. Only two months before her death.

------------------------------------------

They had not talked about that night. Not a word had been spoken, but something had hung over their heads as if it was about to come down on them. They had kissed. Nothing more, but certainly nothing less. It had felt right, almost perfect. And now things had changed. Jack didn't know how, but it was different. Their phone calls were funny, friendly and flirtatious, the few times they had seen each other had been almost magical, but nothing more had happened. They had crossed the line that indicated friendship, but neither of them knew what to do next.

The two of them had met up in San Francisco to attend yet another wedding. They had walked along the coastline and talked about work, their friends and their odd neighbours. Not about them. Somewhere during the walk, Sam had absentmindedly taken Jack's hand in hers. The sun was setting and the slowly disappearing light had made for spectacular colours in the sky. It had been warm all day, the wedding had been casual and their clothing showed it. Jack had never felt like being fashionable, but somehow Sam's presence had a good influence on him. He had noticed the admiring look and even tough he had shrugged, he had enjoyed the playful compliment she had given him. Sam had been wearing a simple and casual dress, which made her look very different from the way he usually saw her. They looked great together. He knew it. She had looked out over the water, completely lost in thought. He had squeezed her hand and she shook her head as if she had been somewhere else. She glanced at him and flashed a smile.

''Two weddings this year. The December one makes three.''

He had waited for her to make her point, because he had no idea where she was going with this. She picked up on it and put on the same face she pulled when she was about to give him a crash course in astrophysics.

''You know how sometimes events make movie titles?''

He had looked at her as if she was growing another head. He didn't know. She looked back with a straight face and shrugged.

''Your winning lottery ticket gets blown out of your hand and it's gone with the wind? Two stuck up teen actresses have a fight covered by the media and start their own Star Wars?''

She kept herself from laughing and Jack decided to play along. He nodded, mirroring Sam's face.

''…Or when someone thinks about suicide because he doesn't want life or …something like it…''

She had grinned and shaken her head.

''That's a terrible movie. It… ...that one shouldn't even count.''

''Oh, now… Part of it was enjoyable.''

''Angelina Jolie?''

Jack raised his eyebrow and held up his mock straight face.

''Nope, there was this part, with another blonde and…''

He was cut of by Sam who pushed him and let out a sigh which was as fake as his serious face.

''Four weddings and a funeral. That's our movie title.''

Jack had briefly wondered what she meant before remembering the start of the subject.

''We only need one more wedding and a funeral.''

''Hope we're the wedding and not the funeral''

Jack had let the reply slip out before he had even realised what he had said. In response, Sam's head shot up and she had looked at him so intense that Jack would have given her many dollars for her thoughts. He saw how her mind was trying to form a response, but failed. Her mouth opened and shut when it didn't get the signal to actually speak. He decided to find a way out and he had found it in the sight of a small gift shop. He pulled her along. Yes. He would bribe her to forget.

''We're in San Francisco. We need a corny souvenir to remind us of it for years to come.''

The smile had returned to her face as they looked at snow globes imitating the Golden Gate Bridge in the mist and rainbow coloured T-shirts. Her face lit up and she grinned as she held up the object Jack would find under his floor over a year later. Jack chuckled at the sight.

''A magnet?!''

Sam nodded and held it up in two hands as if she was showing it at an auction.

''And look at what it says Jack… 'I heart SF'. One might think they mean San Francisco, but no… It actually says 'I love Science Fiction'.''

She had wiggled her eyebrows and he had nodded his head. Magnets and Sci-Fi. It was *so* them…

---------------------------------------

Jack looked at the small white magnet with the black and red print the held in his hands. She wanted him to have it after her death. It must have had some kind of significance to her… He threw it in the air once and walked over to his laptop. He bought it for her in September, so maybe the next file would explain why she had hit the magnet in his home.

_Jack, I hope you found it. I hit the magnet in a place I knew you wouldn't look, for the dramatic effect, I guess. Now, you must wonder why I hid it there, huh? I bet you already do, but I need you to remember it. Everything that happened back then. We should have talked, Jack. We really should have… You said it. You wanted us to 'be the wedding'. That was the most honest thing you had ever said out load and voluntary and all I could do was… imitate a fish. I had been pretending like nothing had happened between us and it was wrong. After that night, we should have let it happen. I should have told you what I had been wanting to tell you for so long. That I needed you in my life. That we could make it work. Maybe even something cheesy about attraction and magnets. It's a shame that all the good lines always come afterwards…_

She was right. As always.

Jack sat in silence, unsure of what to do now, when he heard someone knocking on the door. He expected it to be his neighbour and opened the door. Instead of facing the chest high man from next door, he found himself looking at the chest of someone else. He looked up and stood eye to eye with Teal'c. Behind him was Daniel carrying a box of doughnuts.

''We need to talk Jack''

They talked. Jack filled Teal'c in about Sam and looked at Daniel to see if he was ''holding something back'' as Ethel had put it. He seemed to be OK. He seemed to be honest. Daniel stood up and looked at Jack's open laptop. He didn't stop to read Sam's message, but prepared himself to speak.

''They sent me and Teal'c over to see how you were doing. I mean, your test results were fine, but they thought it was strange that you…''

He turned around.

''They never should have taken this so far. I mean, this is your head they're messing with…''

Jack looked at his friend and got the feeling that he could provide him with some answers.

''What are you talking about Daniel? Who is *they*? And what are they doing?''

Daniel looked at the floor and just when Jack was going to demand an answer, he felt Teal'c standing behind him. He put his hand on Jack's shoulder.

''Things are not what they seem, O'Neill. The people around you are not who they seem. Your perception of events is false.''

Jack spun around to face Teal'c. In the hall outside of his apartment he faintly heard a familiar voice sing a song. _I'll be seeing you. In all the old familiar places… That this heart of mine embraces. All day through… _

Jack made his way to the door and he heard his neighbour's shut. He knocked on the door and got no response. It wasn't locked and he opened the door a couple of inches.

The Sinatra Singer apartment was empty. Jim's. That was the short man's name… The only things taking up space were some dust and a small brown note in the middle of the living room floor. There was one line written on it.

_Gone Fishing.  
_

__________________________________________

Hm...

The next chapter will tell what's in the last file. What did Sam want Jack to know? Read all about it in the next edition of:  
Gone Fishing. Back in a Year. ;)

Thanks for your time!


	11. October Skies

**As always, thanks for the reviews!** I'm enjoying reading your thoughts and speculation and it's great that you are (still) intrigued and want to know what happens next. And yes, it *is* cool when songs start to play on the radio when you're reading about them. ;)  
I'm not a person who can't sleep without reviews, but I have to admit that I did a little shimmy when you guys made the 100th. :)

Let's go!

**______________________________**

**Gone Fishing. Back in a Year.**

- October Skies

Jack breathed in the dry air in the room and turned around to look at Daniel and Teal'c, who were now standing in the door opening of Jim's apartment. His two friends stared at him.

''Didn't you hear the singing just now?''

Teal'c raised an eyebrow and Daniel shook his head with a worried look on his face.

''Jack, there was no singing…''

''Yes there was, Daniel. The man has been singing Sinatra songs for… I don't know how long, every morning and every night!''

Now it was Daniels turn to raise an eyebrow and he stepped into the apartment. Teal'c followed him with his arms on his back as he looked around.

''There seems to be no evidence of someone living here recently, O'Neill''

Daniel shot Jack a look saying 'I told you so' and he shrugged. Jack felt as if he had been left behind. He was sure Jim had been around all the time. He had heard him sing, he had heard the door and he had seen him in his own apartment. …Just like he had seen Sam.

Without saying another word, he walked past his friends and headed to his apartment. Sam wasn't real. She had talked to him, she had touched him and he never could tell that she wasn't really there. Maybe Jim wasn't real. Maybe Daniel and Teal'c weren't.

He heard them follow him in and without facing them he let out a sigh.

''So… what about you guys? Walked through any walls lately?''

Daniel was the one to respond.

''Um… no? Why?''

''Why? Because I seem to be getting visits from the ghosts of Jack O'Neill Past, Daniel!''

Jack pointed his index finger in the air and started counting.

''One: Sam. Two: Jim the Sinatra singing neighbour. And three: You.''

Daniel looked at Teal'c and both men seemed to be unsure of what to do.

''There's two of us Jack. ''

''Beavis and Butt-Head were with two and no one ever seperates them.''

''That's not the point''

''Is too''

''Jack!''

''What?''

Daniel pulled an annoyed face and Jack couldn't help but grin. Daniel was so easy. Even if he wasn't real, he still made nice entertainment.

''We are not ghosts, O'Neill.''

''That's what they all say.''

Teal'c slightly bowed his head.

''We have come to make sure that you are well.''

''I'm fine T. Just peachy. On my way to run outside to …yodel.''

Jack had made a joke, but had the feeling that if this situation would last any longer, he might actually do so. He sighed and wondered what he should do. Whatever it was, he knew he needed to do it alone. After coffee and some small talk, he asked Daniel and Teal'c to leave, so he had some time alone. He wasn't sure how trustworthy his friends were, but them being there had somewhat lifted his spirit. Something he would never admit to.

Jack took a deep breath as he sat down to look at the last file, which was marked as 'October'. The last one Sam had written for a very obvious reason. She had died the month after.

_Jack,_

_This project has been very confronting for me. Taking the time to sit down once a month to think about my life as seen after my death has opened my eyes. Will people think of me when I'm gone? Will they talk about me in positive or negative terms? Were there things I should and could have done differently? Truth is, I'm not sure I care about what everyone thinks or does. There are only a few people in whose hearts I really hope to live on._

_One of them is you, Jack. I hope I have managed to find my way into your heart. That I have gotten under your skin… The only way I can be sure of that is to talk to you. I will have to tell you how I feel. Truth is that after the night we spent together, the urge to be with you has grown so strong that it scared me. You and I both suck at emotions. There have been so many opportunities to finally get things out in the open that we didn't take that it's silly._

_We both need to learn to be honest. So here goes: I love you, Jack O'Neill. And I would move heaven and earth to get you to see that. I would fight of any kind of enemy to secure our future and I would turn down every other offer. All that and more, even though I know that all it takes for you to know how I feel about you, is to just tell you. You, mister, are quite hot. …So there. Now, all I need to do is tell you in person. It would really suck if I had a mini revelation like this, only for you to find out after my death…_

_Sam_

Irony. That was what it was. Sam had never gotten the chance to talk to him. She had died and here he was, reading her note a year after she died. She wanted him to know. She would have told him everything, if only…

------------------------------------------

Maybe he had finally embraced his inner woman, maybe he had mellowed over time, but Jack was sure that he had fallen in love all over again. He, the adult and hardened Air Force officer loved the blonde and blue eyed woman living miles away. He hoped she would wait for him until his job was done. He prayed that she wouldn't fall for another man in the meantime. He wondered why he was feeling trapped in an old war movie...

Jack had been sitting in the same lunchroom at exactly the same table he had shared with Sam before she had her accident.

''What about you Jack? Got a lady waiting for you at home?''

James McKinney, a retired Air Force General and old friend, had picked up on Jack's good mood and kept fishing for information. He had met up with two of his friends whom he knew from way back when. There had been beer and old war stories and apparently, they had now reached the stage of So… how are things *really* going at home?

''Not exactly''

Jack wondered if that answer was vague enough to be a non answer, but clear enough for James to get it. The General smiled knowingly and let it go, but the other man at the table, being a true ladies man to the point where he wore his uniform as often as possible to impress the other half of humanity, did not. Colonel Al 'Sticky' Woods had bent over the table to study Jack's face.

''Oh come on O'Neill… You can't keep something like that from your buddies. Spit it. What's her name, what does she look like and does she have a younger sister?''

Jack had shot him an annoyed look which only encouraged Woods to push it.

''Fine, I'll fill it in myself. Let's see… Brunette, long legs, mysterious yet homey, two younger sisters, wants to marry you ASAP and goes by the name of… Tiff.''

Jack knew his friend wouldn't let go and decided to give in. But only a little.

''Blonde, scientist, kicks ass, one brother. And I'm not seeing her. Yet''

Woods grinned and slapped Jack on the shoulder while McKinney looked a little worried.

''Will it be a problem?''

Jack had looked at the older man and wondered what he meant. He read the expression on Jack's face.

''I have been in the loop Jack. George Hammond is a proud man when it comes to his former flagship team… ''

Just as Jack had wanted to respond, his phone had rung. It had been Hank Landry to inform him that SG-1 had gone missing. No means of contacting them and no idea where they were. McKinney had later told him that the colour had drained from his face as he finished the call. He had told him that Woods had been confused, but knew the situation was bad. He had asked Jack if he was ok and had gotten a confirming answer. Jack didn't remember . All he knew is that he had heard the words _SG-1... missing. Carter… We're searching, but it doesn't look good… We think they might be dead, Jack… _. He had responded as he looked at the sky silently begging whoever was in charge, to let them return home. Safely.

--------------------------------------

Jack realised that he had never stopped hoping. He kept believing that his friends would find their way home. When they did, he kept wishing that Sam didn't have to be the only one seeing the danger, that she hadn't really thrown herself in front of it to protect the others. That she didn't smash down on the cold floor, bleeding. That she didn't die. Jack had held on to an invisible force driving him nuts. Hope.

He took a final look at the files. The notes, the pictures, the words and images. She had let him come to know how she had felt. She had shown him that life was too short to beat around the bush. She was dead. Sam Carter was dead. Jack closed the laptop and shoved it away. He had to let it go. Unlike what he had learnt throughout his years at Stargate Command, you couldn't really bring back the dead. She was really gone…

Jack stood up and ran his fingers through his hair. Doing so brought back the memory of the night he had spent with Sam in his arms. The one time he had thought that the world had finally been ready for them. She had run her hands through his hair and whispered something in his ear as they had drifted of to sleep. _This is truth, Jack. This moment. Don't ever forget. _

Suddenly another thought hit him. This wasn't something Sam would have done. Sam was the one who liked to write notes to him by hand. He remembered yellow post-its with ''Lunch?'' scrabbled on them, birthday cards with doodles, funny little notes… Why would she suddenly change her mind and put her most personal feelings on a USB stick, knowing Jack's aversion to technology? _I'm not dead, Jack… _He took a deep breath as a different voice echoed through his head. _…Sometimes hope is all we have that's keeping us planted in the ground. Never give up on what you believe in, hon. Never_. Jack grabbed his car keys and headed up to Ethel's Diner.

-------------------------------------------------

Grind spat up as he drove his car to the small parking lot belonging to the diner. The place seemed desolate. The table with the poker playing old people was gone and the door moved in the wind. He walked up to the building and called Ethel's name, without getting a reaction. Jack opened the door and made his way inside.

Just like his neighbours apartment, the diner was completely empty now. A worn brown piece of paper was greeting him from the menu board above the bar.

_Gone Fishing. Back in a year!_

He closed his eyes and tried to make sense of things, but he found nothing. A complete blank. He started pacing and looked at the pictures on the wall. Ethel with her friends, a bunch of people at the diner, Ethel and Frank Sinatra… Jack blinked as he studied the famous singer's face. It was the younger version. Ethel, however, looked only a little younger than she had looked when he had met her.

Only then did he notice the picture hanging next to it. He recognized Ethel, who was standing in the middle, smiling with her arms wrapped around a man's neck. Once again, her words shot through his head. _…the marriage didn't work, because I didn't love my husband enough. I was in love with his best friend, Jim... If only I could have seen what was right in front of me sooner, I could actually have been happy… Jimmy was diagnosed with cancer and didn't have much time left. He had loved me, though… Since the moment we met… _

Jack smiled as he looked at the happy face of the man she was holding. The smile, the eyes, the hairdo…

…_She died quite a while ago, but she's still in my thoughts. Every song I sing, is one to celebrate her life. I believe that a person can't really die as long as you carry her with you in your soul. ...She needs you, depends on you to keep her alive…_

Jim and Ethel. His minds connected the dots, just to have the lines blur again when he read the date on the picture. _October 6th__, 1952. _If Jim didn't have much time left according to Ethel and Ethel had died according to Jim…

His ghosts of the past.

Jack continued to stare at the pictures and startled from the sudden sound behind him.

''Confused yet?''

He turned around and raised both arms in the air.

''What the heck is going on here Sam?''

She looked around and shook her head at the sight.

''I can't believe that this is what it looks like. I expected something more… exotic''

___________________________________

One more to connect some dots. The next chapter will start explaning things... Yay! ;)

Hope you're still enjoying and thanks for your time!


	12. November Rain

**Thanks to all the wonderfull reviewers! **I'm glad you're still sticking with the story. :)  
I can feel your confusement, but it is kind if cool that you get to feel what Jack feels, right? ;)  
I have two more chapters for you after this one, nut I will give you (the beginning of) an answer to a few questions many of you have asked:  
Is Sam really dead? And what happened to Jack?

And yes, I do so in a chapter with another cliche title ;)

Let's go!

**________________________________**

**Gone Fishing. Back in a Year.**

November Rain

Jack was speechless. He had nothing useful to say and to add to that, he couldn't discover any clear thoughts either. He wasn't drawing a complete blank, he was just… confused. Still just as confused as he had been non- stop the last couple of days. He watched Sam as she made her way trough the empty diner. She walked up to the door, looked outside and took a deep breath, before looking over her shoulder to smile at Jack.

''Now I remember this place! Wow, it even smells the same…''

He walked up to her and gave her a questioning look. Sam didn't seem to notice and walked towards the bar, smiling in herself as she ran her hand over the wooden counter. She took in the sight of the old pictures and the menu's from the sixties.

''Very authentic…''

Jack still had no clue, whatsoever, and decided to let things play out. Sam moved towards him and finally noticed the lost look that he must have had on his face.

''Grab a chair, Jack.''

He frowned and wondered if Sam, not him, was the one who had lost it.

''The place is empty, Sam. As in no furni…''

Jack turned around to point out the fact that there was no furniture, when he, and it *was* a cliché, bumped his knee against a chair. Sam chuckled and pulled up another chair, which matched his and the table that also magically appeared. She told him to take a seat and that was what he did. She reached over the table and took his hand in hers.

''Talk to me, Jack. What's going on?''

He told her everything. He didn't know what Sam knew and he was afraid to leave anything out. He told her about the letter and the files, the same story he had told Teal'c earlier. He told her about Jim and Ethel, about the objects that had appeared. She listened and never commented.

''…I don't know what to believe, Sam. ''

She looked at him and analysed. He knew she did, because she pulled that face. The one he had come to appreciate after years of being stuck in situations only she could get them out of.

''So… you… talked to me before? To a 'me' who appeared as a… figment of your imagination?''

''I was thinking more in the line of 'ghostly appearance'…''

Sam's head shot up.

''Ghostly?!''

Jack waved his hand in the air and shrugged.

''Ascended?''

She shook her head, slightly.

''…Alien?''

''Jack?''

''Well, you did die and everything…''

She sat in silence for a while and studied his face. Jack could almost hear her think and formulate a response.

''I… what? When did *that* happen?''

Now Jack was sure he was losing it. Loosing it fast. Didn't they have this conversation before? In this very diner even? He informed her about her death the previous November and was surprised with her reaction. She seemed… surprised. She sat back on her chair and shook her head again.

''Trust me, Jack… I'm not dead''

---------------------------------------

Five teams had been sent out on a search party and five teams had come back empty handed. Jack had watched them all come back from his position above the gate room and he had felt how the hope floated out of his heart a bit more every time. It had been almost a month since SG-1 had gone missing and the chances of finding them grew slim. He had known it, but he had never even though about giving up on them.

Hank Landry had stood next to him that day. He had put his hand on Jack's shoulder as a reminder that he was there. He had heard the gate activate even though it shouldn't have had, and he had heard the sudden activity around him. _It's SG-1, Sir_. Jack had refused to let the excited feeling in his stomach take the upper hand and he had seemed unmoved to anyone who didn't know the person underneath the uniform. _Open the Iris_. His mind had been racing as the strong blue light from the wormhole had lit everything in its path. _One man through_. His mind suddenly gave him the image of Sam, explaining the way a wormhole worked. Worms and apples. _Three men through._ He wondered if five people in a team was a good idea. Four men through. He counted them and only briefly made a note of who came rolling through the gate. _Vala… Daniel and Teal'c… Mitchell… _He felt that he was clenching his fists. One more… Only one more… _Five men through. Carter.  
_The wormhole closed and for a second, everything was silent. Something was off… The first four had gotten on their feet and their faces showed relief. Number Five's face did not. Sam looked around as if she was picking up on something. She instinctively grabbed her gun and squinted her eyes. She spotted it the same moment Jack did. It was a shadow, behind Vala who seemed oblivious to it. Sam screamed at her to move while she took aim. She fired once and ran towards her team mates to push them out of the way. She had succeeded. The four other members of SG-1 tumbled over as in a chain reaction, while Sam was hanging in the air for a moment before crashing down. Hard. Jack had been sure he had heard bones shatter and he only faintly registered how the shadow dropped to the floor as well.

He had run to the gate room and arrived before anyone else did. He took Sam's face in his hands and she vaguely smiled at him. _Invisible creatures. What a cliché, huh? _She chuckled and a small trail of blood coming from her nose stained her face. Jack had noticed the hole in her body and knew that Sam had not. She stared at him and he had felt her hand grab his sleeve as if it was her last lifeline. He had taken another position in order to apply pressure to the wound without alerting her, but it had been too late. …_Oh crap… crap! I can't… Sir, I can't… _

Her other hand had found it's way to her abdomen and the dark blood sticking on it had given it away… She was dying. Her breathing had become unsteady and the colour was leaving her skin. She had tried to move, but failed. Her gaze shifted to her team mates before moving back to his face. …_Damn. Are they ok? God, I don't feel… _He had let the medics take care of her. He was really losing her this time. No dummies to break her fall. _…It's ok, Jack… _She had faded away slowly.

---------------------------------------

Jack looked at Sam, sitting across the table with a small grin on her face. He had seen her die that day. No time for final goodbyes or dying 'I love you'. _She's gone, Sir… _She had just… died. Jack told her. Again. About what had happened, about the blood and the medic calling it.

''And…''

Sam waited for him to continue, but Jack was done. She died. End of the story.

''There's no 'and', Sam.''

''Oh for crying out loud, Jack. *Focus* will you?''

She shook her head and crossed her arms as if she was talking to a little kid. Jack would have smiled if the whole situation wasn't so strange. Her eyes seemed brighter than they had been when he saw her before and he noticed a change in her attitude as well. This time, she seemed annoyed. Unaware of what was going on.

''Focus? You think that isn't what I've been trying to do? I have spend the last couple of days focussing, trying to figure out what the heck you meant when you wrote your message! 'I'm not dead, Jack'. Just like that, no further explanation, not even a hint, nothing. I have travelled back and forth, I talked to Daniel, Mark, Landry and Teal'c while in between I was trying to figure out what two, apparently very dead, old people were trying to tell me. I tried to make sense of strange objects appearing in my house and I talked with you. An also very dead kind of you. And you're telling me I'm not *focussing*?''

Jack knew he had crossed the fine line between sanity and insanity now, but he didn't care. He knew he shouldn't be shouting at Sam, but figured that it was OK because she was dead anyway. Playing nice wouldn't get her back. Sam seemed annoyed and stood up to walk towards him. She kneeled down in front of him and took his head in her hands. She forced him to look at her.

''What happened after my death, Jack?''

He felt like he was drowning. He needed something to hold on to and found it in her eyes. He couldn't pinpoint what it was, but he saw something he had lost.

''We buried you, held a memorial service…''

She blinked and closed her eyes for a moment, without breaking the spell they had on Jack. When she opened them, tears appeared. She let go of Jack's face and let her hands drop to her knees. She turned her head away. He wasn't sure about what to do, and instead of desperately coming up with something to say, he cupped her face and made her look at him again.

''I'm sorry Sam…''

She tried to fight back her tears and Jack was sure he was the one responsible or this. Maybe he had told her something she didn't know. A flash of a movie entered his mind. _I see dead people…_ Maybe she didn't realise she was…

Something dawned on him and the thought made him realise that maybe he had been wrong all along. He didn't remember actually travelling back and to Washington. He didn't remember how he got to the graveyard, the diner or Stargate Command…

''God, Sam…''

He read something new in her eyes. The bright blue he had seen just now had been replaced by a shade of greyish blue.

Jack's mind wondered back to that day in November.

-----------------------------------------

''She's gone, Sir.'' Jack had stared at the medic in disbelief. His gaze shifted to the now lifeless body on the floor. _No… _A small pool of blood had formed under her and two other medics were still trying to safe her. _Wait… _Her chest suddenly moved as she sucked some air in. She made a rasping sound, but she was fighting. She had been breathing again. _She's alive, get her to the infirmary, now! _The crowd in the room had been buzzing. The medical team had rushed out carrying Sam and the Airmen were packing up. Jack had felt his heart pound with relief while he wondered what had happened to the creature who had wounded Sam. He watched two men guarding it and checking whether or not it was dead. She had managed to shoot it once during her struggle to get loose of its hold. Jack had been thinking of how proud he was and how glad he was that SG-1 was back. That Sam was back. He was thinking about how much he needed her to live…

He had never noticed that the two Airmen were screaming. He never even saw the attack coming. He had felt a sharp pain in his chest and when he had looked down, he had seen a dark shadow drop on the floor. Dead this time. He heard more screams and activity around him, but it had all faded away in a blur...

------------------------------------------

''It was me.''

He sat back and raised his hands to his face to rub his eyes. Sam stood up but her stare never left his face.

''All the time I thought you were dead, I was the one who…''

Jack held his hands in front of his face and sighed. The entire year after Sam's supposed death was a blank to him. He didn't remember… With the memory of the events that took place that day clear in his head, he started to feel the constant fog he had felt clear. He had made it all up. The files, all the notes and hints he had received from Sam were false. Not there. All in his imagination…

He stood up and faced Sam. Hey, as long as this wasn't real…

Before he had even decided that it was the right thing to do, Jack found his hands going through her hair while he pulled her closer. Their noses were half an inch apart when he whispered to her.

''I loved you Sam. I loved you more than you, or I, could ever imagine… Trust me, I know.''

Sam smiled and opened her mouth to say something, but Jack had already crossed the last distance between their lips and he kissed her with all his might. He pushed her back until they bumped into the bar. He felt her arms slide around his waist, even though she pulled her head back a little. Once again she smiled at him.

''Actually, Jack… you're not quite dead, either.''

________________________________________

So... She's alive, he's not quite dead...  
Where does that leave us, apart from at one of those nasty cliffhangers?

Thanks for your time and patience!


	13. A Long December

Thanks for the reviews! Wow. Even to the ones telling me I'm evil again, really... I appreciate it. However... for that, I have finished this chapter in style. Ha. ;)  
I really hope that this part will satisfy some of you and I hope I didn't turn off the rest *bites nails*. I know it's my story, but being confronted with so many readers made me nervous about ending it...

Deep breath... Let's go!

____________________________

**Gone Fishing. Back in a Year**

A Long December

Samantha Carter was in his arms, he had kissed her, she had kissed him and yet, he wasn't revelling in the moment as he was supposed to do according to any decent romantic movie. To make it even worse, he wasn't thinking about kissing her again, but about death. Funerals, death and people rising from it, to be exact.

''Not quite dead? Seriously Carter, what?!''

Sam looked up at him while she continued to hold on to him.

''Carter?''

''As long as you keep up the mystery, you're 'Carter' again.''

Jack felt tired. Nothing had been what it seemed, he felt annoyed. Angry. Like someone was holding him by the feet and left him dangling from the roof of a building… He had enough of the whole situation. He needed answers in order to keep his head from exploding. Sam was still looking at him, but her thoughts were far away.

''So… I'll help you along. We've established that you, *Colonel*, are alive and well. So am I, to an extend. Jim and Ethel, whoever they are, are not so lucky but somehow, Ethel's diner is of great importance to me. The last statement being backed by the fact that my …mind? returns here on a regular base… Now you go, Carter.''

Sam blinked her eyes and stepped away from him. She turned around and started pacing slowly around the diner.

''If I tell you, Jack… It won't do any good. You really do need to figure this out yourself. I…''

She looked at him over her shoulder.

''…I shouldn't even be here.''

Jack knew he should be patient, but he really, *really* had it. Enough was enough. He was glad he didn't have to face her right now.

''But you *are* here, Sam You wouldn't be here if you didn't have the feeling that you could be of help. Even if you're only in my head, I should be getting some kind of advise from you! Seriously, if you'd only enter my mind to fulfil my fantasies, you probably wouldn't still be dre…''

''Oh for… I'm not just in your head, Jack!''

Now they were getting somewhere. Jack liked it. He liked her sudden spark too. Make her angry. Make her want to fight.

''You're really here? ''

Sam turned around and took a few steps towards him.

''I'm alive and really here''

Jack had hope. They were getting somewhere. Sam would tell him what the heck was going on and they could get out of…

He blinked when Sam suddenly disappeared again. Just his luck…

----------------------------------------

Sam looked around and squinted her eyes against the sudden increase in brightness of the lights around her. Damn. She looked around and found Dr. Lee staring at her with an embarrassed look on his face.

''Colonel Carter, I…''

Sam shook her head in disbelieve.

''Please, please tell me you didn't…''

Bill Lee looked at the wires he had in his hands and the embarrassment grew even more evident.

''Oops.''

He started fiddling with the wires and pressed a couple of buttons while Sam stepped up to him and looked over his shoulder. She noticed that the box on the wall was fried. She shook her head again and sighed.

''We need to get him out of there…''

Dr. Lee nodded.

''So… how is he?''

''He's starting to get …grumpy''

He nodded in response and returned all his attention to the wires.

''Ok, ok… we need to get him out of there.''

He stuck his head in the box and mumbled something to her.

''…Oh and one more thing…''

-------------------------------------------

Jack sat on the floor, eyes closed and leaning his head to the side of the bar. _Sam's alive… _He felt better. He had gotten stuck in the gloom of having to deal with her death. The heavy feeling on his shoulders had cleared and his head didn't feel as if it had been sucked into a vacuum any longer. But here he was. Still stuck in an environment that wasn't right. Sam had the answer, but she disappeared again… He wondered why she was so reluctant to tell him what was going on. …_You need to figure this one out on your own… _He hated mystery. He was living a cross word puzzle he couldn't finish because he had started out filling in the wrong word somewhere. Now he needed to be creative with every other word, so that he slowly got tangled up in a web of useless letters… He bumped his head against the wood as he tried to fill in the blanks.

''Don't hurt yourself, Jack. You need that head, you know…''

Jack opened his eyes and looked at Sam.

''Toilet break?''

Sam sighed and sat down on the floor, opposite from him. She pulled a funny face and rolled her eyes almost unnoticed.

''Dr. Lee broke the…''

She stopped saying whatever it was she was going to say and changed the subject.

''What have you been up to?''

Jack admired her smile and he loved seeing her sit in front of him, but he was set on getting her to talk, by all possible means. He ignored her question.

''You're real.''

She nodded.

''I love you''

''I know''

''And you love me…''

''I do.''

Jack was taken back by the matter of fact that it was for her. She was tough. He would have to come up with something even more powerful than 'I love you'...

''So tell me what's going on.''

Sam grinned at him and traced circles in the dust on the floor.

''Fine''

Jack raised his eyebrows. Fine? Whatever happened to 'you really do need to figure this out yourself'? She crossed her legs and relaxed as she took in the sight of the old diner and he mirrored the action. He noticed that an old jukebox had appeared in the corner. …_Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting. Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear. Here comes the sun, here comes the sun… _Jack waited for Sam to continue.

''After you got attacked, the doctor managed to stop the wounds from bleeding, they stitched you up… Everything was still working. …You just kept loosing consciousness. The doctors were torn between keeping you in a coma or… perform an alternate procedure.''

Jack wasn't sure he really wanted to hear this. He had seen his share of strange things that could happen when the mind got separated from a body. He liked his body. And in all honesty, even after all that had happened, he liked his mind as well...

''Please tell me that my entire being is still in one place?''

Sam gave him one of her looks and tried to figure out how to continue.

''Yes. But 'place' really is a relative term…''

She looked at her hands before looking him in the eye. …_And when all the broken-hearted people living in the world agree there will be an answer, let it be… _

''You're hooked up to a program that creates a holographic environment.''

---------------------------------------

Jack blinked. And blinked again. Ok, it was less of a cliché than 'Hey, guess what? It's all a dream!', but still… After all he had been trough…

''Now there's an anti climax for ya…''

Sam shrugged and let out a short laugh.

''I'm sorry, but it really is all I can make of it Jack.''

''No aliens? Cool conspiracy theory?''

She shook her head with an amused look on her face and she moved to sit next to him. She pressed her back to the bar and put a hand on his knee.

''You made it all up. This diner, the files, your chats with other people… The program creates the world you come up with…''

Jack frowned and he shifted his gaze from Sam to the dusty diner. _…I can't believe that this is what it looks like. I expected something more… exotic…_

''...and you live it inside your head. We figured that your mind would be forced to keep itself active under the influence of the program. If you were forced to think and create ways to get out of the virtual environment, your consciousness would get a… boost. It's a complicated story, but in the end it all comes down to the fact that the device broke. We had several scientists working on it, but you know…''

She shrugged again. She did that a lot. Jack still thought it was stupid. And that it was sad that his imagination was limited to his apartment in Washington and a handful of other not so colourful locations. He turned to Sam.

''So… you're here to…''

''I'm here to tell you that we have fixed the device. You're done here.''

Definately an anti climax...

-------------------------------------------

The two of them sat in the diner for a little while longer. They were silent and simply enjoyed sitting there. Sam had snuggled into his embrace and they both looked around, knowing that Dr. Lee would pull them out any time now.

''I'm going to miss this place…''

Jack spoke as his head was resting on Sam's. Being somewhere that wasn't real made him feel brave. He kissed her on her nose and ran his fingers trough her hair. She stared at him and smiled. She pulled him in for a kiss and Jack was so occupied with responding to it that he didn't notice how the world around him changed into the familiar setting of the SGC.

''Do you have any idea how much I love you?''

He opened his eyes and stared into another, very shocked pair belonging to Bill Lee. Jack heard a chuckle coming from the bed next to his, where Sam was removing the last wires that had been attaching her to the device. As the memory of the diner cleared from his head, he also noticed five other scientists in the room. Sam walked up to his bed, grinned and squeezed his hand.

''You are *so* lucky everyone already knows we're together, Jack O'Neill…''

-----------------------------------------

Jack lay in the bed and stared at the ceiling. The fog in his head had turned into small clouds. He had spent three days hooked to the hologram creating device and he still had a bit of a distorted sense of time. He had, after all, firmly believed that a year had passed since that day. The day Sam died, but didn't really. In reality, it was December now. The beginning of the last month of the same year. It had all seemed so real… He could still hear her words echo through his head. _…I'm not dead, Jack… _He had felt the dark, consuming misery that came with loosing her, he had felt hope.

According to Sam, the events in the holographic world had only taken place inside his head. They had tried to influence them, but couldn't get trough to him. In the end, the science team had managed to jerry rig a system that enabled Sam to enter the program. She had been there, controlled by her own thoughts and actions. She was there to stand by him and he loved her for it.

Jack smiled and shook his head as he thought of the insanity of the situation. He turned on his side and was determined to get some sleep when he heard a soft humming sound that slowly turned into singing. _…I faced it all, and I stood tall… And did it my way… _Jack opened his eyes and hoped that the SGC had hired a male nurse with a great voice, but as his mind processed the image in front of him, he felt a slight panic coming up. Sitting next to his bed, Jack found Jim, his Sinatra singing neighbour.

''Why, good evening neighbour!''

Jack hurried into a sitting position and stared at the short grey man with the smiling face.

''You're supposed to be dead. And… not real.''

Jim laughed and stood up. He pointed at his head.

''This is where you store the facts, the heart is where you store the sentiment...''

He spread his arms and stood like a true showman would stand on stage.

'...'The world around you houses all the memories you could possibly attach to everything you see… I'm a simple figment of your imagination that turned into a memory, Jack... I'm attached.''

Jack closed his eyes and opened them again, hoping that the Sinatra Singer was gone.  
He wasn't.

''D'oh...''

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Hey... It was my last chance to write a cliffhanger for this story *shrugs*  
One more. One more and I'm done...  
It will bring you the answers to some loose ends and the conclusion of Jim's appearance.

Hope you enjoyed, and that the somewhat easy solution to the mystery didn't chase you away.

Thanks for your time!


	14. Losing a Whole Year

Final disclaimer: Nothing Stargate is mine. Whatever lyrics I stole from famous songs aren't mine either. Jim and Ethel. _Them_ I do own… Yay. ;)

This is the last time in this particular story that I can openly say this, so one more time:  
**Thank you so much for the reviews. And thank you for reading. *hugs*  
**Knowing that people were supporting this story really did drive me to write and think things through. ;)

I don't feel like parting from this little piece of FF, but it reall doesn't deserve more chapers than this, so...  
Let's go!

_______________________________

**Gone Fishing. Back in a Year**

Losing a Whole Year.

Jack jumped of the bed and was glad that there was no one else in the room. His head felt heavy on his shoulders, but that did not stop him from moving.

''Get. Out. Of. My. Head!''

He closed his eyes and pointed his finger at Jim.

''I'm better. I'm no longer being controlled by that… machine. You are supposed to be *gone.*''

Jim grinned and shook his head.

''Pretend I'm not here, neighbour! I'll just… be. ''

He blinked and slightly tilted his head as if he was thinking about something. Jim sat down on Jack's bed and looked around, pulled a funny face and looked past Jack at the door opening.

''I thought you'd stay away forever!''

Jack turned around, not sure whether or not he wanted to see whoever Jim was talking to. His heart jumped as he took in the sudden sight of Ethel. She looked fragile, surrounded by the grey walls of the SGC, but the look on her face showed strength. It was only now that Jack noticed the lines on her delicate face. She smiled at Jim and nodded to Jack as a sign that she had spotted him as well. He knew that this wasn't good, but couldn't help but smile as he thought about the people in front of him. _…If the love is real, it shows…I believe that a person can't really die as long as you carry her with you in your soul…_They were reunited. Ethel walked up to Jim and her face lit up as she took his hands in hers. They didn't need words to communicate. Jim stood up with a little help from his beloved and he slowly twirled her around. She giggled and let him lead her into a silent dance. Jack watched the scene unfold in front of him and allowed himself to forget that neither Jim nor Ethel was real. He grinned and shook his head as Jim dipped his dance partner graciously. He closed his eyes and he was certain he could distantly hear music…

''Jack?''

His eyes flew open and the image of Jim and Ethel was replaced by that of Sam. She was dressed in a casual outfit. Jeans, sweater… Clearly on her way out. She looked at him with a small trace of worry.

''I'm seeing dead people.''

Sam looked around and pulled up an eyebrow.

''Right now? Here?''

He shrugged and smiled.

''Just now and right were you're standing… Jim and Ethel. They were dancing.''

Sam returned the smile and walked over to Jack. She grabbed both of his hands and held on to them.

''It's a side effect of the program, it'll wear off… How are you feeling?''

He looked her in the eyes and allowed himself to stare. He had thought he was living without ever having gotten the chance to experience what it was like to be with her. He had thought he had lost her forever. He had mourned her death as well as the symbolic death of their relationship. He had felt the hardship of sadness he had been building up for twelve months…

''I feel as if I have just lost an entire year. And I'm glad that I did.''

She moved closer to stand between his legs and he pulled her into a hug. He could feel her heart beat in her chest and he was sure she could feel his. As they pulled apart, Jack was struck by the love he read in her eyes. Just like the pair he had just seen reunite, they didn't need words to communicate.

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Jack had been right about her being on her way out. What he hadn't expected was that she was taking him with her. He still had to report back to the infirmary, but the doctors figured he was sane enough to go get some fresh air. It was early in the evening, and the sky was clear enough to show its variety of stars. He was sitting on a bench and Sam snuggled up against his side. Something was bothering him. He still had holes in his memory and not all the pieces had fallen into place. If he had been hooked up to the machine shortly after the accident…

''Remind of when exactly we got together?''

Sam glanced up at him.

''About a month before the accident. I was in Washington before going on that mission?''

Jack thought hard about what had happened in October. He recalled meeting with his old friends, the call he got about SG-1... And suddenly he remembered what had happened before that.

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Jack had spotted her after he came home after a long, tiring day filled with meetings and paperwork. Sam had been sitting in the hall in front of his apartment with her back against the door. She had looked up at him, but hadn't moved. He had been surprised and couldn't think of anything to say except or 'hey'. Lucky for him, Sam had come prepared.

''I… I think we should give it a chance. We're good together.''

She looked at the floor and suddenly realised that she was still sitting on it. She stood up.

''I had this whole declaration of love planned out in my head, but now that you're here, it all seems so corny… I love you, Jack. I know you love me and we can make it work, right? Why in earth would we keep this on hold? I mean, we…''

It took him a few seconds to react, but when he did, he did it well. He had grabbed her and accidentally pushed her against the door as he reached for his keys to open it. He felt her smile against his mouth and that instant he knew. They really could make it work…

There would be no more waiting. Even if they really did have all the time in the world, some things were too good to be put on hold. She had pulled Jack into his apartment and he knew that he was one very lucky man.

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Jack smirked and pulled Sam closer to him. Oh yeah… Sam slapped him on the arm.

''Hey! Careful… Strange things happened inside my head… I'm sensitive.''

He chuckled when she slapped him again before leaning in to kiss him on the cheek.

'' I imagined you there…''

She smiled.

''…naked all the time…''

He felt her laugh without making a sound and saw her struggle to keep a straight face.

''Jack O'Neill, I swear… If you weren't so darned hot…''

She rolled her eyes and shifted in his arms so that she could rest her head on his shoulder.

''You know what was funny when I was… out? I kept hearing music. Parts of songs, singing people… It was a mini musical…''

Sam laughed and nodded as she readjusted her position again, so that she could pull her legs up on the bench.

''Blame the guys. Vala had read an article about music therapy and suggested that people should play songs for you.''

Jack frowned and suddenly had the very vivid image of the science team twisting and doing the Boogie next to his bed.

''Sinatra?''

''Siler.''

''The Beatles?

''Dr. Lee''

''Queen?''

''Teal'c, believe it or not…''

His imagination ran wild with that one.

''What did you play for me?''

He was starting to have fun with this… Sam shrugged and looked at him.

''I just talked to you. I told you everything would be ok, that you had to hang in there, to not let go… I even had some 'remember when?' conversations with you…''

He gently squeezed her shoulder and sat in silence for a few moments. He had already established that the memories he had while in the program were real. Sam's accident with her motorcycle, the recovering, the night on the couch… It had all actually happened. Even the magnet was real. Jack knew it was hanging on Sam's refrigerator. _I Love SF… _She had helped him through. Not really with a strange set up of computer files, but by talking to him while he was unconscious.

''I even told you to hang in there because I wanted you to properly meet Mark. I figured it would scare you enough to snap out of it…''

She giggled.

''Well, that sure explains why I went to meet him in my head…''

He looked down at her face and figured that he might as well clear up another mystery.

''Two more things…Who are Ethel and Jim? And how did you know about the diner?''

She sat up and stretched her arms.

''I don't know, really. After I had my accident we drove by the empty diner and stopped to take a look… ''

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''My leg hurts.''

Sam had sat next to Jack in his car as he drove her home from the hospital. Her legs were long enough for her to be uncomfortable sitting in the same position in the small space for a while. He kept a look out for a truck stop or at least a parking lot with benches and was treated with the sight of an old diner. The building used to be white, but had turned grey over time. A withered sign above the door had shown the last traces of the name. _Ethel's Diner_. He had pulled up and parked in front of the remnants of what might have once been a buzzing place. He noticed that Sam's face lit up and that she forgot about the pain for a while.

''Wow, this place looks so… cute.''

She slowly got out of the car and Jack rushed over to her side to support her. She held on to him as they made their way over to the door. It was open and Jack was surprised that it hadn't been vandalized by people. Yet. He studied Sam's expression and without asking if she wanted to go in, he lifted her up and into the diner. He had expected her to make a comment about how she could have walked in herself or to receive a glare from her, but she didn't. Instead she had flashed him a smile and used her crutches to make her way further into the establishment. She stood still a couple of times to look at the old menu and the pictures on the wall. She pointed them out to him.

''They look so happy…''

Jack had been standing behind her as she gently removed the dust from the frames. He saw the face of one of the world's more famous singers appear. Frank Sinatra. Along with the woman who, judging by the other pictures, must have been the famous Ethel. On the picture hanging next to it, she was hugging a man. Maybe her husband… He read the little paper tag: _Jim and Ethel, October 6th, 1952. _

Underneath the picture was a little handwritten drabble.

_May love lead us through times of trouble. May hope guide our way when times get tough._

_Even when our strengths combine and double… Sometimes forever just isn't long enough._

_To Jim. May you rest in peace my love._

Jack had grabbed Sam's hand and they stared at the faces of the happy pair on the picture. He had noticed the reflection of their faces in the stained glass and figured that a poet could describe the irony in that. Not him. Sam had been the first one to speak up.

''I bet there's an incredible love story, right there…''

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Jack looked at Sam's face in the moonlight and lifted his hand to trace the lines of her face. He wondered when he ever did get that feeling of appreciation for cheesy dwelling and romantic gestures that would have made him feel nauseous several years ago. He wondered about the life Ethel and Jim had really led. Did it come close to the way he made them live in his mind? Did they live their lives knowing how short it could be? He felt a stab of sadness when he thought about how these two strangers had become part of the way he thought and yet… He would never know a thing about them.

Sam leaned into his touch and closed her eyes. A smile appeared as she took his hand and stood up from the bench.

''Let's go Jack''

As he stood, he felt the stiffness of his knees and he felt the days he had spent lying down in his back. _Time…_

In the distance Jack spotted two figures, still participating in a dance that would last forever, even if it wouldn't be long enough for them. The man moved his feet the way you only saw people do in old movies, while the woman seemed to float above the ground, while dancing and moving the way a feather would do in the wind. As he walked off with Sam, Jack was sure he could hear the music fade away.

…_And now, the end is near. And so I face the final curtain. My friend, I'll say it clear, I'll state my case, of which I'm certain. I've lived a life that's full. I've travelled each and every highway;and more, much more than this, I did it my way…_

He twirled Sam around so that he had her in his arms. She seemed surprised, but must have seen the glimmer in his eyes. With one fluent move he dipped her and held her in that position for a few seconds while she started laughing. Jack pulled her back up and held her close to his body so he could whisper in her ear.

''We have all the time in the world, Carter…''

She nodded and knew that no response was needed. _…If the love is real, it shows…_He let go of her, kissed her on the nose and they started walking back to base.

_...All the time in the world…_

The End.

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Gaw. I feel like throwing myself to the story's feet now... I don't want to let go! :P  
I hope you enjoyed reading this story.

I'm sorry for all the evil angsty confusion I have caused. ;)

Thanks for your time!


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